Announcer Jokes

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    Just in time for Xmas!

    Hot 4 weeks ago

    New, from Mattel...!
    [ANNOUNCER]
    New MIGHTY-MORPHIN'-JESUS action figures!
    With realistic healing and smiting action!
    [VOICE OVER]
    [child #1]
    "Aaannggg... Oh no! G.I. Joe is hit... Cobra leader is
    getting away!"
    [whirring sound... Mighty-Morphin-Jesus' eyes light and head spins]
    [child #1 in Jesus voice]
    "You are healed my son... now go forth and kick some ass."
    [child #2 in G.I. Joe voice]
    "Thanks J-man., Let's go Joes!"
    [ANNOUNCER]
    Now you're in control... fight the forces of evil with new
    Mighty-Morphin-Jesus the action figure.
    [Action shot of Jesus figure and He-Man battling Skeletor]
    He's back from the dead and he's pissed.
    [VOICE OVER]
    [child #2 in Skeletor voice]
    "So Jesus, we meet again... will you never learn that evil
    is stronger than good?"
    [child #1 in Jesus voice]
    "That may be, my unholy friend, but I know something even more...

    FOREIGN GOOFS
    "Bite the wax tadpole."
    - Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese
    "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave."
    - ad slogan "Pepsi Comes Alive" as originally translated into Chinese
    "I am a jelly doughnut"
    - English translation of John F. Kennedy speaking at the Berlin Wall
    "We pray for MacArthur's erection."
    - sign erected by Japanese citizens in Tokyo, when MacArthur was considering a run for President
    "You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
    - from a guest directory at a Japanese hotel, 1991
    "It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant."
    - Perdue chicken ad, as mistranslated abroad
    MISCELLANEOUS
    "I'm not against the blacks and a lot of the good blacks will attest to that."
    - Evan Mecham, then governor of Arizona
    "Nixon has been sitting in the White House while George McGovern has been more...

    Legendary football announcer Keith Jackson was in Texas to announce a college football game when he noticed a special telephone near the Longhorn's bench. He asked a nearby Texas player what it was for, and was told that it was the "hotline to God."
    Keith asked if he could use it. The player told him, "Sure, but it will cost you $10."
    Keith scratched his head and thought, "What the heck, I need a break picking games." He pulled out his wallet and paid the $10. Keith was perfect that week with his football picks.
    The next week Mr. Jackson was in Florida when he noticed the same kind of telephone on the FSU bench. He again asked what the telephone was for and was told, "It's the hotline to God. If you want to use it, it'll cost you $10."
    Recalling the prior week, Keith pulled out his wallet and made the call. Keith was again perfect calling games.
    The next weekend Mr. Jackson was in Nebraska at Memorial Stadium, when he noticed more...

    These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. "The effects are fleeting and lingering..." - Overheard in a hallway "In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse "A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio "He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer "An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio "This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service. "We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA) "He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal

    These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world."The effects are fleeting and lingering..." - Overheard in a hallway "In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse "A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio "He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer "An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio "This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service. "We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA) "He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal

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