Alarm Jokes / Recent Jokes

Time to do the inner-blonde test! Pay close attention! There are 10 questions, so you should be able to answer them all in 5 minutes. DO NOT look at the answers found at the end of this document, that would be cheating! Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference!

1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
2. If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills taken?
3. I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?
4. Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?
5. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?
6. If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light more...

Intelligence Test Instructions:

Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time?
Start.

1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________
3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________
4) Divide 30 by half and add ten.   What do you get? ____________________
5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________
6)  If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where more...

Intelligence Test Instructions:Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time? Start.1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? ____________________5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would more...

The harried clerk suffering from insomnia never got to sleep before dawn; then slept right through the alarm and so never made it to the office on time. Upon being reprimanded by his boss, he decided to consult a doctor. The doctor gave him some sleeping pills. That night he fell asleep immediately and experienced a pleasant rest. In the morning he awoke before the alarm rang, jumped out of bed with new verve and vigour. When he arrived at his office promptly, he told his boss,' Those pills I got from my doctor really worked. I had no trouble at all waking up this morning.'
'That's nice,' the boss replied.' But where were you yesterday?'

Top ten ways that you know you are suffering from "job burnout"

10. You're so tired; you now answer the phone, "Hell."
9. Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back!!"
8. Your garbage can IS your "In" box.
7. You wake up to discover that your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
6. You have so much on your mind; you've forgotten how to pee.
5. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
4. You don't set your alarm anymore because you know the pager will go off before the alarm does.
3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your ID badge.
2. Your Day Timer exploded a week ago.
1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now

We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes.
When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also do not need to stop.
If, at any time, you have witnessed a green light, it is okay to proceed through the intersection, regardless of the current color of the light.
The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.
If you paid more than $60, 000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially applicable in parking lots.
Drive as quickly as possible through parking structures. Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you.
Get to know your horn. Use it as often as possible.
While driving on the more...

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the followingconversation took place: First Guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come outgolfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will buildher a new deck for the pool." Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that Iwill remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy hasnot said a word. So they ask him, " You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?" Fourth Guy: "I just set my alarm for 5: 30a. m., When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say,' Golf Course or Intercourse?' So she says, "Wear your sweater."