Aid Jokes / Recent Jokes

80 yr. old man is in a nursing home and it's time for his bath.
His attractive nurse's aid unrobes him and begins to wash him.
In a moment he asks that Mabel come in and hold his penis out of
the way so that the nurse's asst can wash underneath.' why?', asks
the aid' i am perfectly capable of doing that and washing you
with my other hand.'' no, I'd much rather have Mabel do that for you',
he insists. with a hint of jealousy in her voice the aid asks' well what has
Mabel got that i haven't got?'
parkinson's disease!', the gentleman says.

A lady had just finished doing her CPR course and was on the lookout for a chance to try it out. As she left the shopping center she saw a man lying on the floor with a lot of people around him.
Screaming "I know first aid"
she ran to the person, threw her bag down, loosened all tight clothing a got ready to start mouth-to-mouth.
At this stage a huge policeman tapped her on the shoulder and asked "Do you realize that I am trying to arrest this guy."

A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The officeworker asked her, "How many children do you have?" "Ten," she replied." What are their names?" he asked." LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered." They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them tocome in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call' LeRoy,' and they allcome running in." "And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say,' LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered." But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked." Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"

Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have a suppository?" She pulled it out &stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

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An older gentleman had lost his hearing aid and wanted to get a new one. Before getting the new hearing aid, he wanted his ear cleaned out, so he went to his doctor.
As the doctor was cleaning his ears, he noticed a foreign object lodged in the man's ear canal. With a pair a tweezers, the doctor removed the object. Upon closer examination, he discovered that it was a suppository. The doctor told the older gentleman that he had a suppository stuck in his ear.
At this, the man exclaimed, "Now I know where I put my hearing aid!"

A MAN goes to the doctor complaining of hearing loss. The doctor examines him and says he wants to fix the fellow with a new hearing aid.
'This is the finest hearing aid now being manufactured. I wear one myself/ says the doctor.
'What kind is it?' asks the man.
'About half-past four!'

Real software engineers eat quiche.

Real software engineers don't read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused.

Real software engineers don't comment their code. The identifiers are so mnemonic they don't have to.

Real software engineers don't write applications programs, they implement algorithms. If someone has an application that the algorithm might help with, that's nice. Don't ask them to write the user interface, though.

If it doesn't have recursive function calls, real software engineers don't program in it.

Real software engineers don't program in assembler. They become queasy at the very thought.

Real software engineers don't debug programs, they verify correctness. This process doesn't necessarily involve executing anything on a computer, except perhaps a Correctness Verification Aid package.

Real software engineers like C's more...