"Signs Seen in USA" joke

Signs in the USA (mostly)
In front of a New Hampshire restaurant:
"Now serving live lobsters"
On the menu of a restaurant:
"Blackened bluefish"
In a Maine restaurant:
"Open seven days a week and weekends."
In a New Jersey restaurant:
"Open seven days a week and weekends."
On the walls of a Baltimore estate:
"Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
- Sisters of Mercy"
On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store:
"Thirty-eight years on the same spot."
In a New York drugstore:
"We dispense with accuracy."
In a New York medical building:
"Mental Health Prevention Center"
On a New York convalescent home:
"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church"
In a funeral parlor:
"Ask about our layaway plan."
In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits - $100 - They won't last an hour!"
In a Massachusetts parking area reserved for birdwatchers:
"Parking for birds only."
In the vestry of a New England church:
"Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is
extinguished"
In a laundry room:
"Do not put wet clothes in dryers, as this can cause irreparable damage."
A sign seen on a restroom dryer at O'Hare Field in Chicago:
"Do not activate with wet hands."
In a New Hampshire jewelry store:
"Ears pierced while you wait."
In a New York restaurant:
"Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."
A sign in an Asian seafood store in Madison, Wisconsin:
"Crap - .79/lb."
In a Florida maternity ward:
"No children allowed."
In the offices of a loan company:
"Ask about our plans for owning your home."
At a number of US military bases:
"Restricted to unauthorized personnel."
On a display of 'You are my one and only' valentine cards:
"Now available in multi-packs"
In the window of an Oregon general store:
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"
In a Pennsylvania cemetary:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own
graves."
On the grounds of a private school:
"No trespassing without permission."
In a library:
"Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops
taking it away."
On a Tennessee highway:
"Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
In front of a New Hampshire car wash:
"If you can't read this, it's time you wash your car."
On a poster on a telephone pole in Oregon:
"Are you an adult that cannot read? If so, we can help."
A sign on top of a San Fransico drug store located across the street from
the Transbay bus terminal:
"Terminal Drugs"
From the safety information card in America West Airline seat pocket:
"If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell
a crew member."
On a delicatessen wall:
"Our best is none too good"
On a roller caoster:
"Watch your head"
On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and
workmanship."
In downtown Boston:
"Callahan Tunnel / No end."
A sign on a front yard in York, Maine:
"Inexpensive, Quality Daycare - Openings Day and Night."