"Charge Codes" joke
Time Sheets To all staff: It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time". In this company unproductive time isn't a problem. What is a problem,however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.
Attached: Extended Job Code List Code number Explanation ---------- ----------- 5316 Meeting 5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting 5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting 5319 Waiting for Break 5320 Waiting for Lunch 5321 Waiting for End of Day 5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Co-worker 5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Co-worker While Co-worker is not present 5393 Covering for Incompetence of Co-worker Friend 5395 Feeling co-dependent 5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Co-worker Who is not interested in Learning 5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Co-worker Who is Stupid 5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Co-worker Who Hates You 5430 Reading "Dilbert" 5435 Empathising with Dilbert 5481 Buying Snack 5482 Eating Snack 5483 Deciding whether it's worth getting up to get more coffee 5484 Getting more coffee 5485 Drinking coffee 5486 Running to the loo 5500 Filling Out Timesheet 5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries 5502 Waiting for Something to Happen 5503 Scratching Yourself 5504 Sleeping 5510 Feeling Bored 5511 Feeling Horny 5600 Bitching About Lousy Job 5601 Bitching About Low Pay 5602 Bitching About Long Hours 5603 Bitching About Co-worker (see codes #5322, #5323) 5604 Bitching About Boss 5605 Bitching About Personal Problems 5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Bitching 5701 Not Actually Present At Job 5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu 6102 Ordering Out 6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive 6104 Taking it Easy While Digesting Food 6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit 6201 Stealing Company Goods 6202 Making Excuses after Accidentally Destroying Company Goods 6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls 6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls in Order to Sell Stolen Company Goods 6206 Gossip 6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g., vacation, wedding...) 6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself 6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching 6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job 6223 Pretending You Like Co-worker 6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks 6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing 6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl 6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (see code #6603) 6602 Complaining 6603 Writing a Book on Company Time 6611 Staring Into Space 6612 Staring At Computer Screen 6615 Transcendental Meditation 7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes) (Lemke!!!) 7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone 7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone 7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone 7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone 7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone 7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone 7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone 7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone 7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone 7931 Asking Co-worker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity 8000 Recreational Drug Use 9999 Reading/forwarding personal e-mail
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