Reading Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
    "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"
    Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"

    Airline Speech

    Hot 1 year ago

    In my own words: "I was flying from SFO to PDX on Friday, and the flight attendant reading the flight safety information had the whole plane looking at each other like' what the heck?' (Getting PDX people to look at each other is an accomplishment.) So once we got airborne, I took out my laptop and typed up what she said so I wouldn't forget. I've left out a few parts I'm sure, but this is most of it."

    Before takeoff...
    "Hello, and welcome to Alaska Flight 438 to Portland. If you're going to Portland, you're in the right place. If you're not going to Portland, you're about to have a really long evening."

    "We'd like to tell you now about some important safety features of this aircraft. The most important safety feature we have aboard this plane is...The Flight Attendants. Please look at one now."

    "There are 5 exits aboard this plane: 2 at the front, 2 over the wings, and one out the plane's rear end. If you're more...

    Daisy

    Hot 2 years ago

    A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in hand.

    Man: "What was that for?"

    Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy" written on it?"

    Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on."

    The wife was satisfied, and apologized for bonking him. Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he is bonked on the head.

    Man: "What's that for this time?"

    Wife: "Your horse called."

    The Handyman

    Hot 4 months ago

    A proud father brought home a swing set he had just purchased for his children and immediately began to assemble it while all the neighborhood children anxiously waited to play on it.
    After several hours of reading the assembly instructions and trying to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.
    The old-timer came over, tossed the directions away, and had the set completely assembled in a short period of time.
    "It's beyond me," the father said, "how you managed to get it all put together without even reading the directions."
    "To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."

    Swing Set Assembly

    Hot 9 months ago

    A proud father brought home a swing set he had just purchased for his children and immediately began to assemble it, while all the neighborhood children anxiously waited to play on it.
    After several hours of reading the assembly instructions and trying to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.
    The old-timer came over, tossed the directions away, and had the set completely assembled in a short period of time.
    "It's beyond me," the father said, "how you managed to get it all put together without even reading the directions."
    "To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."

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