Waving Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day I recieved a letter from grandma...The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and more...
Three leprechauns, Sean, Mick and Kevin, are sitting in the pub getting quietly pissed when Mick shouts out, 'Jaysus, I'm bored wid bein' a feckin' nobody. I'm tinkin' I'll take meself down to de Guinness Book of Records office and get meself entered in de book.'
'What de hell are ye talkin' about, ye eejit? You've dun nuttin' to get in de book for,' says Sean.
'Well, it's me hands, Sean,' Mick says, waving them around. 'I tink dey are de smallest in de world and I'm gonna get meself entered into de book and I'll be world famous.'
The other two agree that they are quite small and they all carry on drinking heartily.
A little while later Kevin pipes up, 'Ya know Mick, if ye can get into de Guinness Book of Records for yer small hands, so can I.'
The other two smirk at each other and Mick says, 'How can ye have de smallest hands in the world if I've got dem, ya bloody fool?'
Kevin replies, 'It's not me hands, Mick, it's me feet,' and he takes his boots to show more...
Chico once went to the doctor due to stomach trouble. The doctor prescribed plenty of milk and gave Chico a bottle of pills. "I`ll stop by this evening and see how you`re doing," the doctor said. "In the meantime, drink at least four glasses of milk. Milk is the ticket for curing your trouble. So drink plenty of it." That evening, the doctor returned, examined Chico and told him, "You`re much better this evening. Just be sure you don`t drink any milk. Not one glass. It`s not for you." "But, doctor," Chico exclaimed, "only this morning you told me that milk was what I needed and that I should drink four glasses of it." "Well, what do you know?" the doctor replied. "It certainly goes to show that we`ve made tremendous progress in medicine since the last time I saw you."
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man`s broken leg. "Well, doc, 25 years more...
A man swallowed a mouse while sleeping on the couch one day. His wife quickly called the doctor and said, "Doctor, please come quickly. My husband just swallowed a mouse and he's gagging and thrashing about."
"I'll be right over," the doctor said. "In the meantime, keep waving a piece of cheese over his mouth to try to attract the mouse up and out of there."
When the doctor arrived, he saw the wife waving a piece of smoked herring over her husband's mouth.
"Uhh, I told you to use cheese, not herring, to lure the mouse."
"I know, doc," she replied, "but first I've got to get the darn cat out of him!"
The other day I saw a ''Honk if you love Jesus'' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and how good He is... and I didn't notice that the light had changed.It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind me started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ''For the love of GOD! GO, GO! Jesus Christ, GO!!'' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to more...
A middle-aged man marries a younger woman but discovers that no matter what he does in bed, she won't orgasm. So he takes the problem to his doctor who explains that maybe fantasy is the answer.
So the man hires a young, charming male escort and has him stand naked and waving a towel over the couple whilst they are having sex, to still no avail.
The man goes back to his doctor who suggests trying the scene oppositely, with the escort having sex with the woman whilst the man waves the towel.
Now becoming desperate, the man gets the same escort and tries the doctor's method. Soon the woman bursts into a great orgasm and the man throws down the towel, taps the escort on the shoulder and shouts triumphantly, "See, that's how you wave a bloody towel!"
Did you know that waving red cloth in front does not make any bull angry?
It is the cow which usually gets angree like this.
The bull gets pissed off at the thought that you are waving red cloth at him thinking that he is a cow!