Vessel Jokes / Recent Jokes

Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant more...

I found the following report, from a ship's master, printed in the August
1987 edition of The Log journal - its exact history is unclear but I
think you might find it amusing.
Reproduced with permission.
It is with regret and haste that I write this letter to you, regret that
such a small misunderstanding could lead to the following circumstances,
and haste in order that you will get this report before you form your own
pre-conceived opinions from reports in the world press, for I am sure that
they will tend to overdramatise the affair.
We had just picked up the pilot and the apprentice had returned from
changing the 'G' flag for the 'H' and, it being his first trip, was having
difficulty rolling the 'G' flag up, I therefore proceeded to show him how.
Coming to the last part, I told him to "let go," the lad although willing is
not too bright, necessitating my having to repeat the order in a sharper
tone.
At this more...

Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
532.35 cm3 gluten
4.9 cm3 NaHCO-3
4.9 cm3 refined halite
236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
177.45 cm3 crystalline C-12H-22O-11
177.45 cm3 unrefined C-12H-22O-11
4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
Procedures:
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (hereafter referred to as "reactor #1") with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation.
In a second 2-L reactor vessel (hereafter referred to as reactor # 2) with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the said mixture is homogeneous.
To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogeneous mixture more...

THE CHEMIST'S RECIPIE FOR CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

The following recipie for chocolate chip cookies recently appeared in Chemical & Engineering News (C&EN, Jun 19, 1995, p. 100). It was attributed to Jeannene Ackerman of Witco Corp.

Ingredients: 1. 532. 35 cm3 gluten 2. 4. 9 cm3 NaHCO3 3. 4. 9 cm3 refined halite 4. 236. 6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride 5. 177. 45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11 6. 177. 45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11 7. 4. 9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde 8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avain albumen-coated protien 9. 473. 2 cm3 theobroma cacao 10. 236. 6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat-transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr add one, two, and three with constant agitation.

In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm add four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is more...