Sheet Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Who Am I??

    Hot 1 year ago

    One Monday morning, a mailman was walking through the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approached one of the homes, Bob, a homeowner, was coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
    "Wow, Bob, looks like you guys had a hell of a party this weekend," the mailman commented.
    Bob replied, "We had about 15 couples from around the neighborhood over and things got a bit wild. We got so drunk that we started playing 'Who Am I?'"
    "How do you play that?" the mailman asked.
    Bob continued, "Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our units showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
    The mailman laughed and said, "I'm sorry I missed that."
    "Probably a good thing you did," Bob responded, "Your name was guessed four or five times."

    This is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it.
    Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.
    Here's how it works:
    This device is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.
    Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, the devices with more information simply use more pages. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information more...

    MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET Workplace Hazardous Materials Information
    System
    Substance: Woman Manufacturer: God Typical Size: Average weight 115
    lbs.; specimens can vary from 90 to over 200 lbs. Occurrence: Large
    quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.
    PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
    1. Surface Tension-soft and warm.
    2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.
    3. Boils at nothing.
    4. Freezes without reason.
    5. Melts with special reason.
    6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.
    7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common
    ore.
    8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points.
    9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.
    10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to
    reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.
    CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
    1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones.
    2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive more...

    Lots of toungue twisters

    Hot 3 years ago

    Six sick slick slim sycamore saplings.

    A box of biscuits, a batch of mixed biscuits

    A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

    Red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry.

    Unique New York.

    Betty Botter had some butter,' 'But,'' she said,' 'this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter-- that would make my batter better.''

    So she bought a bit of butter, better than her bitter butter, and she baked it in her batter, and the batter was not bitter. So' twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.

    Six thick thistle sticks. Six thick thistles stick.

    Is this your sister's sixth zither, sir?

    A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood.

    The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

    Toy boat. Toy boat. Toy boat.

    One more...

    1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
    2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
    3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". (At Least for the Male profs.)
    4. Address the professor as "your excellency".
    5. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
    6. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.
    7. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.
    8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
    9. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.
    10. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you.
    11. Wink more...

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