Values Jokes

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    1. STOP DENYING. Listen to the wisdom of your body. Begin to freely admit
    the stresses and pressures which have manifested physically, mentally, or
    MICROSOFT VIEW: Work until the physical pain forces you into
    2. AVOID ISOLATION. Don't do everything alone! Develop or renew intimacies
    with friends and loved ones. Closeness not only brings new insights, but
    also is anathema to agitation and depression.
    MICROSOFT VIEW: Shut your office door and lock it from the inside
    so no-one will distract you. They're just trying to hurt your
    3. CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. If your job, your relationships, a situation,
    or a person is dragging you under, try to alter your circumstances, or if
    necessary, leave.
    MICROSOFT VIEW: If you feel something is dragging you down, supress
    these thoughts. This is a weakness. Drink more coffee. ( It's free.)
    4. DIMINISH more...

    In view of recent admonitions against jokes maligning any
    class of people, I thought I'd put together some examples
    of humor that are approved within the Tandem Values. Note
    how these jokes arise from existing ones that are not
    permitted, showing that humor can be found anywhere.
    WRONG: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
    This joke is offensive to two classes of people, blondes and
    coffee drinkers. It might also offend people who do not drink
    coffee for religious reasons.
    RIGHT: Why can't pigmentally-challenged individuals take a short
    rest between job tasks?
    Because the Mail Police are reading this joke.
    WRONG: How do you kill a pink elephant?
    This joke has many problems, as it is offensive to environmentalists,
    vegetarians, and elephants of all colors. It also promotes racism
    and classism among elephants, and, perhaps, among other species as
    well. It should not be sent to the HUMOR sig for these reasons.
    RIGHT: more...

    This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values provided. Lastly, compare your score to the results for a final answer.
    1. Think about your wife. In your mind, is she: A. the most beautiful woman alive; (b) a beautiful woman; (c) attractive; (d) ugly as sin.
    2. Think about your job. In your mind, is it: A. the best job on the planet; (b) a good job; (c) a decent job; (d) the most annoying job ever.
    3. Try walking. What happened? Did you: A. find it impossible to stand up; (b) fall after standing up; (c) walk fifty feet before falling flat on your face; (d) walk one thousand feet without falling.
    4. How did you get to the bar? I got here in: A. my brand new chauffer-driven limo; (b) a brand new car; (c) a used car; (d) a rented, rusted, and damaged 1950 japanese import.
    5. What do you think of your strength? I am: A. more...

    Two friends were discussing the trend towards more traditional values.
    "I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married, did you?"
    "I'm not sure", said the friend. "What was her maiden name?"

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