Usher Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls.

When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?"

The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service".

Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"

A young lad was visiting a church for the first time, checking all the announcements and posters along the walls. When he came to a group of pictures of men in uniform, he asked a nearby usher, "Who are all those men in the pictures?" The usher replied, "Why, those are our boys who died in the service". Dumbfounded, the youngster asked, "Was that the morning service or the evening service?"

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, ''Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat.'' The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. ''Sir,'' the usher said, ''if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager.'' Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.''All right buddy, what's your name?''''Sam,'' the man moaned. ''Where ya from, Sam?'' the cop asked. ''The balcony.''

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" With pain in his voice Sam replied "The balcony."

The wedding was over, and the reception was in full swing. Dave an usher, was having a great time with other members of the wedding party. His wife, Betty was not. "Don't be to mad at Dave," a friend told her. "He did a terrific job. I'd be glad to have him usher at my wedding." "Yeah," Betty replied, "I wish he had been an usher at mine."

An usher in a very posh theater noticed a man sprawled across three seats.
"Sorry, sir," the usher said, "but you're only allowed one seat."
The man groaned but didn't budge.
The usher became impatient and said, "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."
Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.
In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, "All right buddy," the manager said, "what's your name?"
"Sam," the man moaned.
"Where did you come from, Sam?"
With pain in his voice, Sam replied, "The balcony."

An usher noticed a man that lay sprawled across three entire seats in the theater. He immediately approached the man and whispered, "Sir, I'm sorry but you're only permitted one seat."
The man groaned but made no attempt to move.
Becoming impatient, the usher said, "Listen, mister, if you don't move from there I'll have to call the manager."
Again the man only moaned, which infuriated the usher. He turned and stomped off quickly to find the manager. A few moments later they both returned and stood over the man.
Together, they both tried to move him numerous times but had no success. Finally, the manager summoned the police.
After surveying the situation, the cop said to the man, "Ok, pal, what's your name?"
"Sam," the man groaned.
"Where are you from, Sam?" the cop asked.
"The balcony!"