Tea Jokes

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    CONDOM

    Hot 1 year ago

    Granny was in her eighties and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring and she welcomed him into her parlor. He took a seat while she prepared some tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
    Imagine his shock and surprise! And curiosity! Surely, Miss Granny had flipped!! But he felt he couldn't mention the strange sight in her parlor.
    When she returned with the tea and cookies they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and the floating item, but soon it got the better of him and he could resist no longer.

    "Miss Granny," he said while pointing to the bowl, "I wonder if you could tell me about this?"
    "Oh, yes", she replied, "Isn't it wonderful! I was walking down town last fall and I more...

    Loco danger

    Hot 1 year ago

    This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on.

    While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one day, he hears this whistle -- Whooee da Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is.

    Predictably, he's hit -- but, only a glancing blow -- and is thrown, ass-over-tea-kettle, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

    After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man:' Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?'

    The desert man replies:' Man, you gotta kill these things when more...

    What tea do footballers drink? Penaltea!

    Last month I heard an item on the radio about a Martha Stewart Thanksgiving, which costs a mere $23, 000. That got me to thinking about what Martha Stewart really gives for Christmas presents? So, here it is, ladies and gentlemen:
    On the first day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
    a baked partridge in some pear sauce.
    On the second day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
    two English plum puddings
    and a partridge in some pear sauce.
    On the third day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
    three French chocolates
    two English plum puddings
    and a partridge in some pear sauce.
    On the fourth of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
    four Baked Alaskas
    three French chocolates
    two English plum puddings
    and a partridge in some pear sauce.
    On the fifth day of Christmas, Martha Stewart gave to us,
    five cups of herbal tea,
    four Baked Alaskas
    three French chocolates
    two English plum more...

    Barbie
    c/o Mattel, Inc.
    El Segundo, CA 90245

    Santa Claus
    North Pole, North Pole
    December 23, 1996
    Dear Santa:
    Listen you ugly little troll, I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas
    Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many
    tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had
    better be some changes around here this Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown (and
    trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it). So, here's my holiday wish list for 1998:

    Santa:
    1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker.
    How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels
    like to have nylon and velcro crawling up your butt?
    2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. more...

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