Strictly Jokes / Recent Jokes
Today's local newspapers had a humour page with following matrimonial published in it.
DOCTOR = Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of marriage. I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and pills, is religious minded and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin. I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.
LAWYER = I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of husband after marriage. The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i. e. Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.
BOATMAN = Must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish. Must have own boat with motor. Please send the photograph of
motorboat.
BANKER = Wanted more...
Hood River: Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license.(Oregon Dumb Laws)
Preparing for their religious wedding, a modern Orthodox Jewish couple met with their rabbi for counseling. Before leaving the meeting, the rabbi asked if they had any last minute questions.
"Rabbi," the man asked, "we realize that it is tradition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women, at the reception, but we would like to ask for your permission to dance together."
"Most definitely not!" replied the rabbi. "It is immodest. Men and women always dance separately."
"Then I can't even dance with my wife after the ceremony?" asked the man.
"NO!" answered the rabbi. "It is strictly forbidden."
"Well, what about sex?" the man asked. "Is it permitted for us to finally have sex?"
"Oh, certainly," the rabbi said. "Sex is a mitzvah within marriage, to have children."
"What about different positions?" the man more...
Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced
regarding employees traveling on official business. These policies are effective
immediately.
TRANSPORTATION
Hitch-hiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged.
Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their
departure on company business trips. Should hitch-hiking prove fruitless, bus
travel may be utilized if absolutely necessary. Airline tickets will be
authorized for purchase only under extreme circumstances, and the lowest fares
will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Seattle but a lower
fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be
substituted for travel to Seattle.
Car rental fees are going up all the time, and are to be avoided. As a
substitute for these charges, we recommend car-sharing. Simply turn your issued
luminescent safety vest inside more...
Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees traveling on official business. The policies are effective immediately.
Transportation: Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on company business trips. Bus service will be another prime method of transportation. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances, and only the lower fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle.
Lodging: All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while on company business. If weather permits, public areas such as parks and parking lots should be used as temporary lodging. Bridges may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
Meals: more...