Stomach Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach?
A. To keep his nuts warm!
Q. Why did the rooster cross the basketball court?
A. It heard that the referee was blowing fouls.

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomach is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. “Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. “But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it? ” A old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding Cake!

A schoolboy came home with a pain in his stomach. “Well, sit down and eat your lunch, ” said his mother. “Your stomach is hurting because it is empty. It will be all right when you have got something in it. ” Shortly afterwards Dad came in from the office, complaining of a headache. “That’s because your head is empty, ” said his son, “You would be all right if you had something in it. ”

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the Brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the Blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the Stomach, " Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the Legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the Eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the Rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.

Within a few more...

Hal E. Luya (Hallelujah)
Hal Jalikakick (How'd ya like a kick)
Hammond Eggs (Ham and Eggs)
Hank E. Panky (Hanky Panky)
Harmon Ikka (Harmonica)
Harris Mint (Harassment)
Harrison Fire (Hair is on Fire)
Harry Balzac (Hairy Ball Sack)
Harry Weiner (Hairy Wiener)
Hayden Seek (Hide & Seek)
Haywood Jablowme (Hey, Would You Blow Me?)
Haywood Jashootmee (Hey Would You Shoot Me?)
Hein Noon (High Noon)
Helen Back (Hell and Back)
Helena Hanbaskett (Hell In A Hand Basket)
Henador Titzhoff (He Gnawed Her Tits Off)
Herbie Hind (Her Behind)
Herb E. Side (Herbiside)
Herbie Voor (Herbivore)
Holden Mcgroin (Holding My Groin)
Holly Dayin (Holiday Inn)
Holly Wood (Hollywood)
Homan Provement (Home Improvent)
Homer Sexual (Homosexual)
Howard I. No (How Would I Know?)
Howe D. Pardner (Howdy Partner)
Hu Flung Pu (Who Flung Poo?)
Huang Annsaw (Wrong Answer)
Hugh Beeotch more...

Deer hunting season is coming up... Here are the secret diary entries from last years deer hunt.

1:00 am - Alarm clock rings.
2:00 am - Hunting partner arrives - drags you out of bed.
3:00 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pickup.
3:05 am - Leave for the deep woods.
3:15 am - Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30 am - Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight.
4:00 am - Set up camp - forgot the tent.
4:30 am - Head into the woods.
6:05 am - See eight deer.
6:06 am - Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07 am -' 'Click''.
6:08 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill.
8:00 am - Head back to camp.
9:00 am - Still looking for camp.
10:00 am - Realize you don't know where camp is.
Noon - Fire gun for help - eat wild berries.
12:15 pm - Ran out of bullets - eight deer come back.
12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison more...

A man with a womb  a rare medical phenomenon is being treated at the
Kandy General Hospital. The womb, complete with the fallopian tubes
and ovaries, was found in his stomach when he was operated on for
cancer.
The patient, in his early thirties, had been treated for a cancer for
the past one and a half months.' The various tests done had pointed to
a malignancy in the stomach. The treatment had reduced the lump in his
stomach, but it had grown later on. The scan showed a lump in his
stomach,' one doctor said.
'There was no physical abnormality. He was a normal male. He had no
sign of femininity. He had a male organ but no testis. We believe the
testis are in the abdomen area. The testis were pasted to the womb,'
he said.
The patient had been married for around eight years but has no
children.

A gynaecologist, commenting on this rare medical phenomenon said' One
person can develop both organs, more...