Statistician Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A famous statistician would never travel by airplane, because he had studied air travel and estimated the probability of there being a bomb on any given flight was 1 in a million, and he was not prepared to accept these odds.
    One day a colleague met him at a conference far from home. "How did you get here, by train?"
    "No, I flew"
    "What about your the possibiltiy of a bomb?"
    Well, I began thinking that if the odds of one bomb are 1:million, then the odds of TWO bombs are (1/1,000,000) x (1/1,000,000). This is a very, very small probability, which I can accept. So, now I bring my own bomb along!"

    I asked a statistician for her phone number... and she gave me an estimate.

    A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on a
    photo-safari in Africa. They drive out on the savanna in their jeep, stop and
    scout the horizon with their binoculars.
    The biologist: "Look! There is a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle, a
    white zebra! It is fantastic! There are white zebras! We will be famous!"
    The statistician: "It is not significant. We only know there is one white
    zebra."
    The mathematician: "Actually, we only know there exists a zebra, which is white
    on one side."
    The computer scientist: "Oh, no! A special case!"

    A mathematician, a physicist, and a statistician go out on a duck hunt. They have only one gun. The come across some geese and the mathematician quickly calculates the distance, the velocity, the angle, etc. and shoots.
    Well, he misses by a foot to the LEFT!
    They come across geese again, and this time the physicist takes the gun. After calculating all the angles, flight paths, velocities, etc. the physicist also takes into consideration the gravity, air frictions, and such things... and fires!
    Well, s/he misses by a foot to the RIGHT!
    The statistician jumps up and down, yelling, "We got'em! We got'em!"

    A mathematician, applied mathematician and a statistician all apply for the same job. At the interview they are asked the question, what is 1+1. The mathematician replies, "I can prove that it exists but not that it is unique." The applied mathematician after some thought replies, "the answer is approximately 1.99 with an error in the region of 0.01." The statistician steps outside the room, mulls it over for several minutes, and eventually in desparation returns and inquires, "so what do you want it to be?"

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