Smuggling Jokes

Submitted by Darcy

Twice a week a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border and he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.

Each time the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.

Sometimes they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some illegal item.

They racked their brains but never found anything untoward.

It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene, that they learned the truth.

He had been smuggling bicycles.

In the days of the Berlin Wall, there was a little old man who crossed the checkpoint every week, pushing his bicycle and carrying a heavy sack. The border guard, suspecting him of smuggling, always searched the sack thoroughly but never found anything worthwhile. One day, after the wall came down, the guard ran into the little old man.

"Look, I just know you were smuggling something all those years but I could never prove it," said the guard. "Tell me what it was."

The little old man chuckled, "Bicycles."

Excerpted from the book "Dumb, Dumber, Dumbest," (c) 1996 by John J Kohut and Roland Sweet
In 1990, the [United States] Customs Service launched six helium-filled balloons equipped with surveillance equipment to detect drug smuggling along the Mexican border.
The balloons cost $90 million to build and $30 million to operate during the thirty months in which agents seized only 3000 pounds of marijuana and nine weapons.
Even though this works out to $40000 for each pound of marijuana seized, Sen. Dennis DeConcini (D-Arizona) defended the program by pointing out that the low numbers prove the balloons are deterring smuggling activity.

Tuan comes up to the border between Vietnam and China on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?" "Rice," answered Tuan. The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but rice. He detains Tuan overnight and has the rice analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure rice in the bags The guard releases Tuan, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border. A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Rice," says Tuan. The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but rice. He gives the sand back to Tuan, and Tuan crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events if repeated every day for three years. Finally, Tuan doesn't show up more...

Police stopped Vanessa Feltz for suspected drugs smuggling, and found 2 foot of crack in her knickers.