Skip Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Skip a Day

    Hot 2 years ago

    A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.
    "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least five pounds."
    When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds.
    "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
    The blonde nods. "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." "From hunger, you mean?" said the doctor.
    "No, from skipping," replied the blonde.

    Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
    probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!


    1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
    and moist. A cunt is what owns it.

    2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.

    3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.

    4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
    enough to build up pressure.

    5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
    you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.

    6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
    way to shut a woman up!

    7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
    don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.

    8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.

    9. more...

    Former Ohio State Running Back Maurice Clarett was arrested by police yesterday without any reference to Jews. You might remember Clarett when he tried to be the the first sophmore to skip his junior and senior year, and go straight into the NFL. Now he going to be the first former all-star to skip the NFL and go straight to prison. Normally you must play at least two years for the Cowboys before you are eligible for jail time.

    Skipping Work

    Hot 6 years ago

    A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all work together in an office building. Their female boss always leaves work early. So one day the brunette says, "Lets skip out early today. No one will notice."
    So they all leave work early. The brunette goes to a movie, and the redhead goes to a few bars. The blonde though wanted to go home and have sex with her husband.
    She arrives home and goes into her bedroom where her husband and her boss are having sex. The blonde quietly slips out the door and runs from her house.
    The next day when the brunette suggested they skip work again the blonde replied, "No way! I almost got caught yesterday."

    - Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
    - 21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
    - Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
    - 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
    - 3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
    - 91% lie regularly, so you can just throw away statistics like these based on their answers *grin*
    - 27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
    - 29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
    - 50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
    - 90% believe in divine retribution (but apparently not for lying)
    - 10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
    - 82% believe in an afterlife.
    - 45% believe in ghosts.
    - 13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
    - 29% are virgins when they marry.
    - 58.4% have called into work sick when we more...

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