Host Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Game Show Contestant

    Hot 7 years ago

    Janet was a first time contestant on the $65,000 television quiz show. So far, luck was on her side since she had gained a substantial lead over her opponents. She had even managed to win the game but, unfortunately, time had run out before the show's host could ask her the big question.
    Janet agreed to return the following day and was extremely nervous as her husband drove them home.
    "I just have to win tomorrow," she said, "I really wish I knew what the answer is! You realize I'm not going to be able to sleep at all tonight and will probably look horrible tomorrow."
    "Relax, honey," her husband, Robert, said reassuringly. "Everything's going to be fine."
    Minutes after they arrived home, Robert grabbed the car keys and started to head out the door. "Where are you going?" Janet asked.
    "I have one small errand to run," Robert replied. "I should be back soon."
    After an agonizing two hour more...

    Game Show

    Hot 8 years ago

    A man was on a game show. He was on his final question; all he had to do was answer that question right, and he would win 1 million dollars!
    The game show host said, "All right, for your final question: 'What are the names of three of Santa's reindeer?'"
    The man grinned and said, "Dasher!"
    The game show host said, "Correct!"
    "Correct! What is the last name?"
    The man yelled, "Olive!"
    The game show host was confused and said, "Why Olive?"
    The contestent looked at him strangely and said, "Oh, don't you know? 'Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...'"

    Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'. Diamond asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done to-morrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?" The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish. "No. In Ireland we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency.", replied Brennan.

    - Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
    - 21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
    - Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
    - 40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
    - 3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
    - 91% lie regularly, so you can just throw away statistics like these based on their answers *grin*
    - 27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
    - 29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
    - 50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
    - 90% believe in divine retribution (but apparently not for lying)
    - 10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
    - 82% believe in an afterlife.
    - 45% believe in ghosts.
    - 13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
    - 29% are virgins when they marry.
    - 58.4% have called into work sick when we more...

    A man was invited for dinner at a friend's house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.
    His friend looked at him and said, "That's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names."
    The host said, "Well, honestly, I've forgotten her name.

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