Sid Jokes / Recent Jokes
Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. “Sid, ” asked Al, “are there any Jews in China? ”
“I don’t know, ” Sid replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter? ”
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, “Are there any Chinese Jews? ”
“I don’t know sir, let me ask, ” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No, Chinese Jews. ”
“Are you sure? ” Al asked.
“I will check again, sir, ” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere. ”
When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Chinese Jews. ”
“Are you really sure? ” Al asked again.
“I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews. ”
“Sir, I ask everyone, ” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no more...
Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid says to Barney, "Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day." Barney agrees and they enjoy a great game.
After the 8th hole, Barney is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. "Help me find my ball; you look over there," he says to Sid. After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Barney pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "I've found my ball!" he announces triumphantly.
Sid looks at him forlornly, "After all the years we've been friends, you'd cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?"
"What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!"
"And a liar, too!" Sid says with amazement. "I'll more...
Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "are there any Jews in China?""I dont know," Sid replied. "Why dont we ask the waiter?"When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?""I dont know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No, Chinese Jews.""Are you sure?" Al asked."I will check again, sir," the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews.""Are you really sure?" Al asked again."I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.""Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we more...
Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid says to Barney,' 'Let's say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on the lowest score for the day.'' Barney agrees and they enjoy a great game.
After the 8th hole, Barney is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.' 'Help me find my ball; you look over there,'' he says to Sid. After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Barney pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground.' 'I've found my ball!'' he announces triumphantly.
Sid looks at him forlornly,' 'After all the years we've been friends, you'd cheat me on golf for a measly five bucks?''' 'What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!''
''And a liar, too!'' Sid says with amazement.' 'I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball for the last five more...
Morty the producer dies and goes to purgatory. The agent behind the counter says "So Morty, whats it gonna be Heaven or Hell?" Morty asks, "Whats the difference?" Sid says "Take a look at the monitor over here." Morty goes to the monitor and sees scenes of heaven where people are quietly floating on clouds and playing harps in serene bliss. Morty turns to Sid and says "Well thats nice. Pretty boring but nice. Whats Hell like?" Sid tells him to look at the other monitor. Morty does and sees scenes of young people having sex and dancing and smoking and drinking and laughing and singing and generally having a great time. "This is great!" says Morty. "I think Ill try Hell." Sid directs him to the elevator and instructs him to push the down arrow. Morty does so and waits for the elevator to take him to hell. When the car stops at hell the doors spring open. Morty look s around from the elevator doorway and is shocked at what he more...
Two friends meet each other on the street." Hello! Where are you coming from?" asked Bill." Oh, don't ask me! I'm coming from the cemetery. I just burried my mother-in-law" replied Sid." I'm so sorry!" said Bill, "But why is your face schratched all over?". " It wasn't so easy!" said Sid, "She put on a hell of a fight!"
Morty the producer dies and goes to purgatory. The agent behind the counter says "So Morty, what's it gonna be Heaven or Hell?" Morty asks, "What's the difference?" Sid says "Take a look at the monitor over here."
Morty goes to the monitor and sees scenes of heaven where people are quietly floating on clouds and playing harps in serene bliss. Morty turns to Sid and says "Well that's nice. Pretty boring but nice. What's Hell like?"
Sid tells him to look at the other monitor. Morty does and sees scenes of young people having sex and dancing and smoking and drinking and laughing and singing and generally having a great time.
"This is great!" says Morty. "I think I'll try Hell." Sid directs him to the elevator and instructs him to push the down arrow. Morty does so and waits for the elevator to take him to hell.
When the car stops at hell the doors spring open. Morty looks around from the elevator doorway and more...