Sell Jokes / Recent Jokes

A gum-chewing American and a Frenchman are sitting together in a
> restaurant.
>
> The American feel really proud to be an American, so he starts a
> conversation. He asks the Frenchman, "When you eat bread, do you eat
all
> of
> it?" "Mais oui!,
> of course!" responds the Frenchman.
> "Well," says the American, "we only eat the soft part of it. The rest
we
> collect in containers, take to a factory and put through a mill. What
> comes out are little breads that we sell in France.
>
> "And what about steaks?" he continues. "Do you eat all parts of them?"
> "Bien sur! We do," replies the Frenchman.
> "You don`t say!" says the America, grinning. "We don`t! We only eat
the
> meaty part of the steak. The greasy part we collect in containers,
take
> to a factory, put through a mill, and what comes out are little more...

A man had a terrible speech impediment and was having trouble finding a job. One day he went to an employer and applied.The employer was reluctant."But, I don't think you'd be a good salesman with the way you talk," said the employer."Pweashe... give me a chanshe," the man begged.So the man was hired to sell toothbrushes. He tried and tried, but was unable to sell any toothbrushes.The man went to his boss, having done a terrible job. The boss wanted to fire the man, but the man insisted he be given another chance."I got sze besht idear," he told his boss.The next week, when the man reported to his boss, the man had sold 10,000 toothbrushes."Wow!" his boss exclaimed. "How did you do it?""Well, it wash shimple, shee. I gone to the airport, shet up a table, and shet up shum chips and dips. The people would come, and tashte the chips and dips, and would say they tast like crap."Then I would shay, it IS crap, you wanna buy a more...

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy." I don't know her name--they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Dear God," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady more...

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!"
"Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job."
He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25, 000 and another for $50, 000.
"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20, 000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. more...

A Jewish father has two kids who want to sell lemonade on the street corner for 15 cents a glass. He figures he'll spend about 3 bucks on the ingredients, the kids will sell maybe 10 glasses and then drink the rest and get stomach aches. His eventual response: "Go stand on the corner for two hours and come back, I'll give you two dollars. Everybody wins."

A just-married Chinese couple decided to make love on the wedding night in the hotel where they held their wedding. The wife did not want to get pregnant and requested the husband to buy condom from the shop nearby. When the husband left, the wife waited anxiously in the room with all the lights switched off. The husband had a hard time looking for a shop that sell condom and when he finally found one, he realized that he had only one 20 cents coin. He asked the shop owner to sell him one piece of condom and the shop owner asked him which quality does he want. "The white condom, lowest quality, is 15 cents each. The black condom, average quality, is 20 cents each. And the purple condom, highest quality, is 25 cents each." So the husband took the black condom as he had only 20 cents with him. While the husband was out, a black Indian thief came into the room. The wife did not notice and thought that it was her husband. She grabs the thief and happily screwing away. The wife more...

You'll Know It's a No-Frills Airline If:
They don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
If you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.
You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once."
No movie. Don't need one.
Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.
You see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.
All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.