Seattle Jokes / Recent Jokes

The editors of "The Seattle Times" couldn't resist running (pardon the pun) the following story on the front page yesterday. They also couldn't decide on a headline so they gave the story two.
CUSTOMER REFUND HIGHLY IRREGULAR
MAN ASKS FOR $2 FROM EX-LAX; TAKES $98,002 AND RUNS
By Richard Seven
Seattle Times Staff Reporter
Authorities are searching for a former Kent man they say found relief in the form of an erroneous $98,002 refund from the makers of Ex-Lax.
Barry Lyn Stoller, 38, wrote a letter demanding the maker of the laxative reimburse him the $1.99 he paid for a package of the product after, he claimed, it failed to work, according to first-degree theft charges filed in King County Superior Court.
The New Jersey-based Sandoz Corp. immediately issued a refund check, but mistakenly wrote the amount to correspond not to the $1.99 cost but to Stoller's zip code, 98032.
King County prosecutors allege Stoller deposited the check, withdrew the more...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER OVER SEATTLE."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to the Seattle airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position?

The pilot responded "I more...

Boeing's angling for yule order
Jean Godden - Times Staff Columnist
Here's an offer that Santa Clause may not be able to resist. Engineers at Boeing have done some figuring and they are convinced the Boeing 757 would make the perfect sleigh for Santa. (That, of course, assumes that Santa is ready to trade in the old buggy.)
Here are some stats:
The 757 can seat Santa and 185 of his elves.
The 757's lower cargo hold has space for 5,370 twelve-inch gift-boxed teddy bears.
The 757 can fly the 3,416 miles from the North Pole to Seattle with just one stop. (It does 2,500 miles without refueling.)
The 757, powered by two jet engines, can fly as fast as 500 mph. Reindeer are optional equipment.
The 757 can operate in the North Pole climate. It has been certified for temperatures as low as minus 65 degrees Fahrenheit.
The 757 has an autoland system that will allow Santa to land in weather conditions with near-zero visibility. (Rudolph, cry your eyes more...

A police officer was amazed to see a hiker walking along the road carrying a sign which read "To Seattle." "What are you doing with that?" asked the police officer. "I'm walking to Seattle," said the hiker, "and I don't want to lose my way."

All workers please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy.MemorandumTo: All EmployeesFrom: HeadquartersSubject: Business Travel Policy GuidelinesDate: June 16, 2000Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead.TransportationIf commercial transportation must be utilized, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and, the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting with a customer is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible.Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure more...

Lately I've noticed several nicely painted panel-vans driving around
Seattle emblazoned with, in large type:
Northwest Center For The Retarded
Pick-Up Service
followed by a phone number and-if this wasn't enough to get you
wondering-in a yellow square below:
Frequent Stops
Well, Seattle's just that kind of town...

A letter from the Seattle School District tells teachers to remind students not to be too happy this Thanksgiving, because the holiday is seen as a "time of mourning" by many Native Americans (and European Socialists).

"After all, we don’t want them to end up like flag-waving patriots," the Superintendent said, "kids need to know that there are so many reasons to hate who you are."

Seattle Friends of Dennis Kucinich were delighted.