Screech Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A. Locking the car door.
Q. Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A. Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q. Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A. Divorcee'
Q. Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A. Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.
Q. What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A. Frosted Flakes.
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because, that's where you're more...

Vroom...Screech...vroom..screech...

The chieftain of a remote village flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight.
The chief made a series of weird noises - "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight."
Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?"
The chief made the same noises -"screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building."
"Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter.
The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z - from the shortwave radio."

The chieftain of a remote village flew to the United States to visit the president. When he arrived at the airport, a host of newsmen and television cameramen met him. One of the reporters asked the chief if he had a comfortable flight.The chief made a series of weird noises - "screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then added in perfect English, "Yes, I had a very nice flight."Another reporter asked, "Chief, do you plan to visit the Washington Monument while you're in the area?"The chief made the same noises -"screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z" - and then said, "Yes, and I also plan to visit the White House and the Capitol Building.""Where did you learn to speak such flawless English?" asked the next reporter.The chief replied, "Screech, scratch, honk, buzz, whistle, z-z-z-z-z - from the shortwave radio."

Now that the summer is upon us, you might be considering a visit to Canada`s youngest province. Here are a few survial tips:

a) Memorize all of the jokes at this site. Every Newfoundlander will be impressed that you have taken the time to learn about our culture and can quote these jokes verbatum.

b) Always refer to a Newfoundlander as "Newfie", otherwise you will be considered snobbish.

c) Until you are more familiar with Newfoundland and it`s history stick to safe topics when talking to Newfoundladers. A good opening line might be: "I hear unemployment is high in Newfoundland" or "My brother Jack works with a Newfoundlander in Brooks Alberta".

d) Learn how to pronounce Newfoundland. Many Canadians pronounce Newfoundland as "Newf-And-Land", sort of like Understand. This won`t get you many friends. The correct pronunciation is "New-Fun-Lin". If you remember any of these tips, make sure it is more...