Rub Jokes / Recent Jokes
A couple walks into a bar: The man goes of to the bog and leaves the women standing at the bar. A bloke goes up to the women and says, "I really really want to squeeze you tit''s. Will you let me?"
The lady turns around and says, "How dare you, get away from me, you sicko!"
The bloke then says, "Oh you have a lovely arse can I rub it, please let me?"
The lady turns around and says, "Look you pervert get away from me! I''ll get my boyfriend to beat you up if you don''t piss off!"
The bloke takes no notice and continues to the woman, "I want to tip you upside down and fill you up with beer and down it in one big gulp."
"RIGHT... THAT IS IT" shouts the woman.
Just then her boyfriend comes out from the bog and says, "Whaz goin'' on here?!?"
The woman says all hysterically, "That bloke over there said he wants to squeeze my more...
A dating Amish couple Elizabeth and Eli, are riding down the road in their buggy. It's
mid January and very cold. Elizabeth says to Eli,
"My feet are frozen solid."
Eli says,
"Well, put them in my lap. I'll rub them and warm them up."
Elizabeth does so and after a while she asks,
"Eli, what's that hard thing in your pants?"
Eli answers,
"That's my penis, it's frozen solid.. Maybe you can rub it and warm it up."
The next morning Elizabeth comes down for breakfast and asks her mother,
"Ma, what do you know about penises?"
Her mother retorts,
"I don't know, what do YOU know about penises?"
Elizabeth replies,
"I know one thing, they sure are messy when they melt!"
A young couple left the sex therapist's office determined to develop more effective body language." Alright," said the husband, "when I want sex, I'll rub your right breast. When I don't want sex, I'll rub your left breast." "Okay," said the wife, "What should I do then?" "Well, when you want to have sex," he told her, "rub my penis once. When you don't want any sex, rub it 200 times."
These are reputedly real answers to questions on science tests.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.
For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or, if it's a lady, rub her arm above the hand. Or put her head between the knees of the nearest medical more...
Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don't have balls to scratch.
Many years ago a Kentucky grandmother gave a new bride the following recipe for washing clothes....
1. Bilt fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water.
2. Set tubs so smoke wont blow in eyes if wind is pert.
3. Shave one hole cake of lie soap in bilin water.
4. Sort things, make 3 piles. 1 pile white, 1 pile colored, 1 pile work britches and rags.
5. To make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then thin down with bilin water.
6. Take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, and then bile. Rub colored, don't bile, just rinch and starch.
7. Take things out of kettle with broomstick handle, then rinch, and starch.
8. Hang old rags on fence.
9. Spread tea towels on grass.
10. Pore rinch water in flower bed.
11. Scrub porch with hot soapy water.
12. Turn tubs upside down.
13. Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs. Brew cup of tea, sit and rock a spell and count your more...
THESE ARE ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAM PAPERS: Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars. The dodo is a bird that is almost decent by now. To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. The cuckoo bird does not lay his own eggs. To prevent conception when having intercourse, the male wears a condominium. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know more...