Ripper Jokes

What's worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper? Getting fingered by Captain Hook!

Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

In the 22 May 1995 issue of The New Yorker (Price $2.50) there are five book review lampoons written by Christopher Buckley called "Doing the McNamara" (p. 100). All five are satirically sick. Here is an example:
Fluoridation Reconsidered
General Jack D. Ripper
Whoops Publishers, $18.95 (192p)
General Ripper is probably best known for destroying the world. In 1964, he ordered a wing of B-52 bombers to attack the Soviet Union, triggering the Soviets' Doomsday Machine, which blanketed the world with fallout. His decision to start the Third World War was prompted by what he now candidly calls his "paranoia" in thinking that fluoridation of drinking water was a Communist plot to make him impotent. Ripper now reveals that he's spent the last thirty-one years undergoing "some pretty hairy counselling," and that the therapy has allowed him to do something he never could before - cry. "I now realize that tears are the most precious bodily more...

Q.Whats worse than getting raped by jack the ripper?
A. Getting fingered by captain hook

THE COMMON FART
The Common Fart is the fart heard most often. It is a very close relative of the "Ripper", but is released with less force. It is usually heard in groups where people aren't yet comfortable with farting amongst each other. Therefore, one person in the group gets up some nerve and releases this common-sounding fart in such a manner that everyone now feels comfortable with group flatulence.. Usually there is no smell with the Common Fart.
THE ANXIOUS FART
The Anxious Fart is let in a place where someone does not want the fart to be heard.
You may have seen men and women in book stores or grocery stores, or even on the street, letting these farts.
They are generally controlled, usually barely audible, and require much skill to master.
THE COUGHING FART
The Coughing Fart is one that the farter tries to cover up with a cough. My dad used to let these farts all the time when he worked at the Bingo Hall. He would stand at the back of the more...