Anxious Jokes

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I`d doubled my age in a year. I thought, "If this keeps up, by the time I`m six I`ll be ninety!"

A sailor in the Navy who had been at sea for a long time was anxious to be reunited with his girlfriend, so he sent her the following message a few days before his ship was due back in port: "I have missed you so much and I cant wait to make love to you. I want you to come down to the pier to meet me, and I want you to bring the station wagon and have a mattress ready in the back so we can do "it" as soon as I step ashore."The young lady who was just as anxious to make love, sent him a reply: "I will get the station wagon ready as you said, but you had better be the first one off that ship, sailor, because I am not checking I. D. cards."

Anxious to be on time for his date, Carl nevertheless dropped into a drugstore to make a hasty purchase. The druggist gave him a knowing smile, so Carl gave him a run-down on the expectations he had for the evening.
"I met this girl at a party last week," he explained. "A real hot number. Her folks are going to the opera tonight and it will be just the two of us with the whole apartment to ourselves." Carl was greeted with a warm hug at the door by Nancy, his date. They settled on the couch and turned on the TV. Her folks would be leaving in a few minutes, she explained. Her father wasn't home from work yet and as soon as he arrived, the parents would be departing for dinner and the opera.
Nancy's father arrived soon after and she introduced both parents to Carl.
"Say, why don't Nancy and I join you this evening?" Carl suggested.
"Oh, you children don't want to be spending your evening with us old folks," said Nancy's more...

THE COMMON FART
The Common Fart is the fart heard most often. It is a very close relative of the "Ripper", but is released with less force. It is usually heard in groups where people aren't yet comfortable with farting amongst each other. Therefore, one person in the group gets up some nerve and releases this common-sounding fart in such a manner that everyone now feels comfortable with group flatulence.. Usually there is no smell with the Common Fart.
THE ANXIOUS FART
The Anxious Fart is let in a place where someone does not want the fart to be heard.
You may have seen men and women in book stores or grocery stores, or even on the street, letting these farts.
They are generally controlled, usually barely audible, and require much skill to master.
THE COUGHING FART
The Coughing Fart is one that the farter tries to cover up with a cough. My dad used to let these farts all the time when he worked at the Bingo Hall. He would stand at the back of the more...

A sailor in the Navy who had been at sea for a long time was anxious to be reunited with his girlfriend, so he sent her the following message a few days before his ship was due back in port: "I have missed you so much and I can't wait to make love to you. I want you to come down to the pier to meet me, and I want you to bring the station wagon and have a mattress ready in the back so we can do "it" as soon as I step ashore." The young lady who was just as anxious to make love, sent him a reply: "I will get the station wagon ready as you said, but you had better be the first one off that ship, sailor, because I am not checking I.D. cards."