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Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing. Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed, "Roger!", and was relieved to hear a faint reply.
"Okay Rodge," shouted Barry, "I'm gonna throw a rope down to you, so wrap it' round one of your legs and.." but before he could finish, he heard Roger call "But both my legs are broke."
Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was "They're broken too!" So finally, Roger held on with his mouth. Barry struggled to pull up the rope, and when he was nearly there, Barry said, "You right there mate?" to which Rodger replied,"YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........"

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
4: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5. 99 for the first ten words and $1. 99 for each additional word in your message.
6: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over more...

1. Sex Education
"What did you have in school today?" a father asked his teenage son.
"Oh we had lectures on sex!" was the reply.
"Lectures on sex? What did they tell you?" asked the father aghast.
"Well, first there was a priest who told us why we shouldn't, Then a doctor told us how we shouldn't. Finally the principal gave us a talk on where we shouldn't."
2. The modern child
A man wanted to foster a love for music in his children so he bought them a piano.
When he got home he found them contemplating the piano in puzzlement. "How", they asked "do you plug it in?"
3. City boy in Village.
A little boy was in a village, away from the big city for the first time in his life. He was standing on the sidewalk when an old man drove up in a horse and cart and went into a shop. The boy kept gazing in wonder at the horse, an animal he had never seen in his life. When the old man came out more...

Guy says "Is that seat taken"?
Reply "No but if you sit there this one will be empty"
Guy says "Whats your sign"?
Reply "DO NOT ENTER".
Guy says "Your body is like a temple".
Reply " No service today".
Guy says "How do you like your eggs in the morning"?
Reply "Not fertilized".

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look about 29". "I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten more...

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday.
He spends $5,000 & feels really good about the result.
On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35," was the reply.
"I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy.
After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is: "Oh you look about 29".
"I am actually 47!"
This makes him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man more...

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look about 29". "I am actually 47."
Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age."
As there was no one around, the man thinks, What the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants. more...