Recognize Jokes / Recent Jokes

Scientists have discovered that elephants can recognize themselves in the mirror. Not only that, but African elephants think they look better in sweats than they actually do.

A seargent is interviewing three cadets who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first cadet a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first cadet answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The seargent says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second cadet and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second cadet smiles, and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?!" Extremely frustrated at this point, he more...

Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people
Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah
Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian World.
Mormons do not recognize each other at Hooter's

I want to buy a software program that, when run, causes my computer to suffer grievously, though not permanently. When my screen freezes or turns blue, I want a special button I can push to make the CPU start squealing like a motherboard.
I want a device that stores an electrical charge in my telephone. For every minute I spend on hold waiting for technical support to answer, the charge would increase in intensity. When the guy from tech support finally answers, the electrical bolt of energy would be discharged into him. This should not affect my ability to hear what's going on at the other end of the line, of course. And a special function would allow the volts to double every time a tape-recorded message urges me to continue holding. "Your call is important to us," the caressing voice always claims.
I want my phone to be outfitted with a translation program which will reconstitute this irritating reminder into the truth: "Actually, we already have your money, more...

Palestinian factions have agreed to recognize Israel.
Which will probably go something like this:
"Hey, isn't that the Israel dude who's been occupying us? Yeah, I recognize that prick."