Quickly Jokes / Recent Jokes
A boy's classmate told him that most adults are hiding at least one deep, dark secret which makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying "I know the whole truth", even when you don't know anything.
Thinking this sounded like a pretty good way to make some money, the boy decided to try it out.
When he got home from school that day, his mother greeted him at the door. He gave her a very serious look and said, "I know the whole truth!" His mother quickly handed him $20 and said, "Don't tell your father."
Pleased that what his friend said seemed to be working, he waited for his father to get home from work, greeted him and said, "I know the whole truth!" His father immediately handed him $40 and said, "Not a word to your mother."
Even more pleased with the results of his get-rich-quick scheme, the boy saw the mailman at his front door as he was heading out to school the following day. He looked the mailman in the eye and more...
The British Navy was sailing along when the First Mate ran up to the Admiral.
He said "Sir, their are eight Spanish ships heading for us."
The Admiral told the First Mate to go get his red dress suit for him. The First Mate asked "Why?".
The Admiral said "So if I get shot, the men won't see the blood and will keep on fighting."
The First Mate ran off to get the suit but came back quickly.
"Sir, there are another eighty Spanish ships running us down from the opposite direction!"
The Admiral exclaimed, "Run and fetch me my brown pants, quickly!"
A lawyer who was on his deathbed at home called out to his wife. When she came rushing into the room, he told her to get the Bible for him as quickly as possible. Being a religious woman, she felt this was a good idea.
She ran and got the Bible for him and was preparing to start reading to him when he snatched the Bible out of her hands.
Quickly, he started scanning the pages, eyes shifting left and right. Watching him and becoming curious, his wife asked, "What are you doing dear?"
"Looking for loopholes!" he shouted.
Why is it best to be bitten quickly by one mosquito? Because an itch in time saves nine.
A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.
She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Bobby?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.
Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny Billy?"
"Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him - "I don't want to see you for three more...
A group of guys are on their way to a party, but couldn’t quite remember the address to the house. ”I’m sure this is the one, ” said the driver. ”Well, I have got to go to the bathroom SO BAD. ” Replied one of the others, ”I’ll go knock on the door, and check. If it’s the wrong house, at least I’ll get to a toilet! ”
So he gets out and walks to the front door. He rings it once…. No answer. He rings it again….. Still no answer. So, he thinks, ”This is a big house, big party, maybe the party is outside, in the backyard. ” So he walks around the house to the back, there was no one out there either. As he aproached the back door, he was suprized to find it unlocked, and opened. There was obviously no one home, so he figured he’d just quietly run inside real quick, and use there bathroom, no one would know. So, he goes inside but he can’t find the bathroom anywhere. So, he quickly ran up the stairs and searched, and searched, till finally as he opened more...
Jeeto & Preeto were talking about their new milkman.
Jeeto: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said Preeto