Quickies Jokes

Jewish Quickies
Q: Why do Jewish men die before their wives?
A: They want to. Q: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much.
A: Because they are worth it. Q: Why don’t Jews drink?
A: It interferes with their suffering. Moshe, an old man, was hit by a car. Whilst waiting for an ambulance, a policeman tucked a blanket under Moshe`s head and asked, “Are you comfortable?”
Moshe replied, “I make a nice living.”

Five Quickies
Did you hear about the Jewish Mother cash machine? When you take out some money, it says to you "Nu, what did you do with the last £50 I gave you?" Did you hear about the Jewish family who kept such a kosher home that they had two smoke detectors in their kitchen? From Israel comes the story of a guide who was showing some visitors around a small local museum.
"That fossil in the glass case over there is two million and nine years old" he told them.
"How can you date it so precisely?" someone asked admiringly.
"That’s easy," said the guide. "I’ve been working here nine years and it was two million years old when I came." WHEN GOD MADE MAN, SHE WAS ONLY JOKING A rabbi took a job at a Duracell factory. His job is to stand on the production line and as the batteries go by, say, "I wish you long life".

Blonde quickies 6
Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.
Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans?
Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?
Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*
Q: Why do blonds have orgasms?
A: So they know when to stop having sex!
Q: How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm???
A1: She drops her nail-file!!!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She say 'Next'
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
A6: I mean, who really cares?
A7: The batteries have run out.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in more...

Quickies
Q: How do Jewish wives get their children ready for supper?
A: They put them in the car. Yetta, a friend of mine, confused her Valium pills with her birth control pills. As a result, she had ten children but she doesn`t really care. Q: What does a Jewish husband call a waterbed?
A: The Dead Sea. It`s one of life`s mysteries - how a 2Ib box of chocolates can make a Jewish woman gain 5lb. Another of life`s mysteries is when a Jewish woman hangs something in her wardrobe for a while and it shrinks two sizes! The trouble with some Jewish women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.