Purchase Jokes / Recent Jokes

Attempting to make up for his bad behavior, Bill Clinton headed out to the store to purchase a gift for Hillary.
Entering the store, he approached the attractive young salesgirl and said, "I would like to purchase a pair of gloves for my wife, but I'm unsure of her size."
"Would this help?" she asked sweetly, while placing her hand in his. "Oh yes," he replied, "her hands a slightly smaller than yours."
"Very well, will there be anything else?" asked the salesgirl.
"Yes, now that you've mentioned it," replied Bill, "she also needs panties and a bra."

McDonnell Douglas
Aircraft/Space Systems/Missiles
PRODUCT REGISTRATION CARD
Dear Sir,
Important! Important!
Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase.
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft.
In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments
to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the
survey questions is not required, but the information will help us
to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. [ ]Mr.[ ]Mrs.[ ]Ms.[ ]Miss[ ]Lt.[ ]Gen.[ ]Comrade[ ]Classified
First Name _______________ Initial ___ Last Name ____________
Latitude ____________ Longitude ____________ Altitude _______
Password, Code Names, Aliases, etc. ___________________________
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[ ] F-14 Tomcat [ ] F-15 Eagle
[ ] F-16 Falcon [ ] F-19A Stealth
[ ] Classified
3. Date of purchase: more...

A man walks into a hardware store and approaches the sales clerk.

"Do you carry jointed stove-pipes?" the man asks.

The clerk confirms that they do, and the man responds, "Great -- I would like to purchase half of one."

A bit confused and not sure if he heard correctly, the clerk asks the man to repeat his request.

"I would like to purchase half of a jointed stove pipe!"

At this point the clerk is convinced that the man is not very bright, since one half of a jointed stove-pipe is absolutely useless without the other half. Not wanting to offend the man, the clerk says, "I'll have to go talk to my manager about that. I'll be right back."

The clerk rushes to the back, not realizing that the man follows right behind him. The clerk reaches his manager and blurts out, "Some IDIOT up there wants to buy a HALF of a jointed stove pipe!"

At this point, the clerk turns more...

McDonnell Douglas
AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
Important! Important!
Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. _Mr. _Mrs. _Ms. _Miss _Lt. _Gen. _Comrade _Classified _Other
First Name____________________Initial____Last Name_________________________
Latitude________________________Longitude__________________________________
Altitude________________________Password, Code Name, Etc._________________
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
_F-14 Tomcat _F-15 Eagle _F-16 Falcon _F-117A Stealth _Classified
3. Date of purchase: Month___________Day___________Year____________
4. Serial more...

McDonnell Douglas
AIRCRAFT-SPACE SYSTEMS-MISSILES
Important! Important!
Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase
Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop
new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. Name
Mr.
Mrs.
Ms.
Miss
Lt.
Gen.
Comrade
Classified
Other
First Name
Initial
Last Name
Latitude
Longitude
Altitude
Password, Code Name, Etc.
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
F-14 Tomcat
F-15 Eagle
F-16 Falcon
F-19A Stealth
Classified
3. Date of purchase
Month Day Year
4. Serial Number
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
Received as Gift/Aid Package
Catalog more...

Answering all survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade
[_] Classified [_] Other
First Name:. ....................................................
Initial:. .......
Last Name:. .....................................................
Password:. ............................. (max 8 char)
Code Name:. .....................................................
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude:. ........... ........... .........
2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /. ...... /......
4. Serial Number:. ...............................................
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid more...

Disclaimer:

This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Sell before date stamped on carton. Do not purchase if seal has been tampered with. Contents under pressure. Void where prohibited or taxed. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Some settling of contents may occur during shipping. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Times approximate. more...