Ensure Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Hunting Elephants

    Hot 5 years ago

    MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
    EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
    PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
    COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
    Go to Africa.
    Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
    Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
    During each traverse pass,
    Catch each animal seen.
    Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
    Stop when a match is detected.
    EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
    ASSEMBLY more...

    Deranged Marriage

    Hot 6 years ago

    "What are you doing today, oh mother of my children?" queries papa ji. "Well," replies mum ji, "I think I'll get some chores out of the way, like marrying off your son!" "What a great idea." agrees dad. "You do that while I wash the cars!"

    And so the wheels of the' marriage machine' are set in motion. Once moving anyone wishing to stop them is simply steam rolled over! Before long an unsuspecting couple find that it has carried them all the way to the temple. Accompanied by a million voices commanding their every move, they sit cross legged in total bewilderment wondering which order to obey first.



    Evolution of the arranged marriage actually starts as soon as the grades have been achieved, the job secured and the Ford Mondeo acquired. For then, life for the single Asian suddenly shifts into the "eligible" gear. Not only do mum and dad treat you like a prize poodle at Crufts but family more...

    An official staff visit by LTG Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel during the visit.
    Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office.
    All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be; Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."
    Personnel will utilize standard more...

    Avoid models that stall during use.
    Check the odo(ur)meter regularly.
    Avoid completely blocking the air intake.
    Take care not to allow too much steam or moisture to build up when away from home.
    Keep locked in the garage when not in use.
    Ensure any problems are clearly expressed on the facia.
    Check for pulling attachments.
    Security: ensure no Joy riders can get their hands on it.
    If necessary, fit an alarm.
    See if the coil needs replacing.
    Take it for a good thrash around
    Are you allowed to take passengers with this model?
    Watch out for nasty emissions.
    Keep all leather accessories in order.
    If necessary, fit a silencer.
    Or use the choke and throttle properly.
    For your own safety, never attempt to handle when drunk.
    Check the hooters. If necessary, give it the horn.
    Verify that airbags come out when required. Fit extra padding if necessary.
    NEVER let your friends have a go.
    Never make the mistake of more...

    Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa,
    throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of
    whatever is left.
    Experienced mathematicians will attempt to prove
    the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1
    as a subordinate exercise.
    Professors of mathematics will prove the existence
    of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture
    of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
    Computer scientists hunt elephants by exercising
    Algorithm A:
    Go to Africa.
    Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
    Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent
    alternately east and west.
    During each traverse pass,
    Catch each animal seen.
    Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
    Stop when a match is detected.
    Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A
    by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the more...

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