Pun Jokes / Recent Jokes

1) Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

2) Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.

3) Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4) Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

5) Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

6) Decaflon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

7) Dopelar effect (n.) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.

8) Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted more...

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents."

( too tense! )

A cattle rancher was dying, and had to divide his ranch up amongst his three
sons. They wanted a new name for the ranch, and the dying rancher suggested
"Focus", because that's where the "sons raise meat" (suns rays meet)

Two tall trees are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. One tree says to the other, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The other says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. One of the tall trees says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby more...

One day, Jerry Aught, who liked to get drunk, did just that. When he got home, his wife, Sherry Aught, would get mad. One day, Sherry said,"If you come home drunk again, I will hit you on the head with this frying pan".

The next day, Jerry came home drunk again.As he lay on the doormat,Sherry came out with the frying pan. Jerry started to sing: "swing low, sweet Sherry Aught, coming to carry me home..."

A bloke went to his mate's fancy dress party with nothing but a young woman on his back. "So what the hell are you supposed to be?" the host asked.

"I'm a snail." The bloke replied.

"What a load of crap!" the host spat. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that young woman on your back?"

"You've got it wrong, mate," the bloke replied. "That's Michelle".