Pun Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Beethoven in the park

    Hot 5 months ago

    A symphony orchestra is performing Beethoven's 9th in the park. It's so windy that the music sheets need to be tied down so they won't blow away.

    The tuba players just did their first bit, and they won't need to perform for a while, so they go to the bar across the street to get some drinks. Finally they hear that their next part coming soon, so they go back across the street. But they're so drunk, they can't untie the music!

    So the conductor looks over, and sees the tuba players, stumbling over each other trying to untie the music. He freaks out and thinks, "Oh no! It's the bottom of the ninth, the bases are loaded, and the score is tied!"

    Grain Loading

    Hot 1 year ago

    A man was in charge of offloading the grain from the ships at the harbour. Unfortunately the grain was very moist and did not get sucked up by vacuum too easily. He approached the foreman for some advice: "If at first you don't suck seed, try a drier grain."

    If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed?

    Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted!

    Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose.

    On a more positive note though, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted.

    Continuing with that theme:

    banker disinterested
    blackjack dealer discarded
    cabinet member disappointed
    ''Cannabis Club'' owner disjointed
    cashier distilled
    chemist dissolutioned
    C.P.A. discounted
    detective dissolved
    editor dispelled
    electrician more...

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

    Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden new that, deep down, Andy was a good person. So, the warden made arrangements for the inmate to learn a trade while doing his time.

    Some three years later, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often, he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for citizens of the community. And, he always reported back to prison by early Sunday evening. Andy was a model inmate.

    One day, the warden considered remodeling his kitchen, though he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top. So, he called Andy into his office and asked him to do the job for him. To the warden's surprise, Andy simply refused to help.

    "But, you're an expert. Andy, I really need your help," said the warden.

    "Gosh, warden, I'd really like to help you, but counter more...

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