Pun Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Beethoven in the park

    Hot 4 months ago

    A symphony orchestra is performing Beethoven's 9th in the park. It's so windy that the music sheets need to be tied down so they won't blow away.

    The tuba players just did their first bit, and they won't need to perform for a while, so they go to the bar across the street to get some drinks. Finally they hear that their next part coming soon, so they go back across the street. But they're so drunk, they can't untie the music!

    So the conductor looks over, and sees the tuba players, stumbling over each other trying to untie the music. He freaks out and thinks, "Oh no! It's the bottom of the ninth, the bases are loaded, and the score is tied!"

    Grain Loading

    Hot 3 years ago

    A man was in charge of offloading the grain from the ships at the harbour. Unfortunately the grain was very moist and did not get sucked up by vacuum too easily. He approached the foreman for some advice: "If at first you don't suck seed, try a drier grain."

    If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed and dry cleaners depressed?

    Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted!

    Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, landscapers will be deflowered, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose.

    On a more positive note though, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted.

    Continuing with that theme:

    banker disinterested
    blackjack dealer discarded
    cabinet member disappointed
    ''Cannabis Club'' owner disjointed
    cashier distilled
    chemist dissolutioned
    C.P.A. discounted
    detective dissolved
    editor dispelled
    electrician more...

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

    Once upon a time, a little boy lived by a river. It was a very boring river because the land was so flat there.

    One day, the boy was eating lunch by the river, munching on a kosher pickle. All of the sudden, an idea comes to him and he pitches the pickle into the river. Instantly, the river is transformed into a majestic waterfall!

    People came from miles around to witness the miracle. After seeing the beautiful waterfall, they turned to the little boy. "How," they asked, "how did you know to toss the kosher pickle into the river?" The little boy smiled and answered, "I just thought of that old adage--you know, that dill waters run steep!"

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