Poop Jokes / Recent Jokes
15. I will not eat other animals' poop. 14. I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows. 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on steroids, or they'll flush me! 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post. 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. 2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff. AND the Number 1 more...
There was a boy named Brandon that went to school one regular school day. He asked his teacher if he could go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no because he was not allowed to go during class, so he had to hold it in. It was the end of the day, and he really had to make a poopie, but all the bus kids had to get inside the bus. Brandon REALLY had to go, so he had no other choice but to poop right where his bus seat was!!! At first, no one had noticed the stench, but a few minutes later THE WHOLE ENTIRE BUS SMELLED LIKE FRESH POOP!!! He was very embarrased, and all the other kids were making fun of him. When the bus stopped at his house, the bus driver had told his mother(who was waiting for him at the doorstep)all about the poop incident. The mother was embarrased, and Brandon never wanted to go to school again(although he did have to)!
A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path. "Oh, my," exclaimed the lady, "Come on, I'll clean you!" She took a Kleenex from her purse and cleaned the little critter. She walked a little farther and another duck, with poop all over it, crossed her way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little bird. Then she encountered a third duck, with the same problem. And for the third time, she acted like a Florence Nightingale. She walked on still farther and she heard a voice from the bushes calling... Pssssst..."Hey, lady!" "Yes?" she responded. "Do you have a Kleenex?" asked the voice from the bushes. "No, not anymore," she answered. "Damn! Have ya' seen any Ducks?"
Three men were in a car shudup manners and poop. they went too fast and poop fell out. shudup went to the police were they asked "what is your name?" " shudup" "Where are your manners?" the officer demanded "outside scrapin up poop!"
In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. A. Fill in the blanks1. [xxx] is not food. Dental floss, plants, Kleenex, toilet paper, human's homework, photographs, shoes, sweaters, socks, the couch, electrical cords/devices, phone cord, vases of flowers, my poop, electric wiring, the rubber fish toy my human drags around for me to play with; rubber bands; Mom's toe; the HUGE fly; used Q-tips; the other cat's vomited food. 2. I will not jump on the [xxx]. kitchen counter, table, stove, barbecue, my human's full bladder at 5: 30 A. M., bed at night, TV, bed from the top of the wardrobe at night. 3. I will not sharpen my claws on the [xxx]. sofa, carpet, drapes, my human's leg, my human's boss's leg, the new speakers, wallpaper, window screen, car tires. 4. I will not pee/poop/barf a hairball on the [xxx]. floor, carpet, sofa, clean laundry, sleeping human, human's tax return, the tax auditor, TV, baby's mattress, kitchen more...