Nude Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband, John, was Work jokes. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend, Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway. She yelled at Ralph: "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump outthe window my husband is home early!" Ralph looked out thewindow and said: "I can't jump out the window! It's raininglike hell out there!" Mary cried: "If my husband catches usin here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbedhis clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outsidehe found himself in the middle of a marathon race... so hestarted running along side the others -- only he was still inthe nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" Ralph answered, while gasping for air: "Oh yes, It feels sofree having the air blow over your skin while you are running." The other runner then asked the nude man: "Do you more...

One fine day, a young gentleman decided to sleep nude in a
public park. He gently undressed himself and relaxed his tender
body on the park bench.
Little Cindy walked by and was awfully attracted to this "thing"
one may call it.
Little Cindy, being so young and curious, asked the nude
gentleman, "Hey Mr. Can I play with your birdy?"
The gentleman gave her a look and said, " Get-lost kid!" and
relaxed back on the bench.
Couple of hours passed by...... and the gentleman woke up.....
All of a sudden, he sees all these doctors around him and he was
wheeled to the ER.
When he looked down, everything was red.
With confusion, the gentleman questioned the doctor.
The doctor said, "Our little Cindy will explain you everything."
Cindy walked into the room, and smiled.
Gentleman:..... What did you do?
Cindy:......... I was playing with the birdy and the birdy spit
on more...

one day a priest and a nun were on a camel through a desert, when all of a sudden the camel falls over and dies. so they decide to set up camp under a nearby tree. a couple of days later the priest was moaning and groaning saying that he was going to die. the nun then tried to tell him that he was speaking rubbish. so to cheer him up she asked him if there was anything he would like her to do. so after a minute of thinking the priest said, " well ive never seen a female in the nude. could you take off your clothes?" so the nun did as the priest asked. then she tells the priest that she had never seen a male in the nude either, so she asked him to take off his clothes. so the priest did and as he was standing beside the tree the nun asked the priest what was hanging between his legs. he said, " if i stick this in a female it will create new life". so the nun said, "well, dont worry about sticking it in me, stick it in the camel!

STRANGE U.S. SEX LAWS
-- In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
-- In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish. (Apparently it's OK for woman.)
-- No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
-- Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms.
-- Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude.
-- In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And more...

A harp is a nude piano. A Celtic harpist spends half her time tuning her harp, and the other half playing it out of tune. Q: Why are harps like elderly parents? A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, so they open the door. "Nice butt, sister," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

Weird Local USA Sex Laws
No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you-or holding you in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown-if they're nude. (Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)
During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, New Mexico no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.
In Cleveland, Ohio women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes.
Clinton, Oklahoma has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.
It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. more...