Newfoundland Jokes / Recent Jokes

Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians werepulling the pins and throwing them back.

For Theresa Muir who requested Canadian / Newfie humour: Back in the days when trains ran in Newfoundland, a passenger was travelling from Corner Brook to St. John'n when, all of a sudden, there was a tremendous thump and bang followed by a really rough ride for a few seconds. This was followed by another thump, bang and the ride became smooth again.
Just then, the conductor was passing through the car, so the passenger asked, "What happened back there?"
The conductor replied, "Oh, we just ran over a mainlander."
The passenger asked, "What, was he lying on the track?"
The conductor replied, "Oh no, he was out in the field but we got him!"

Newfoundland, My Newfoundland
(Oh, Christmas Tree, Oh, Christmas Tree) by Brenna Lorenz

Convection's cell was at thy door, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Thy ancient heart to pieces tore, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Great faulted blocks came crashing down, and flood basalts the land did drown,
And clastics coarse fell all around, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

Iapetus began to spread, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Detritus from thy coast was shed, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Thy slope was draped, so proud and great, with massive banks of carbonate,
Grand bank to meet so sad a fate, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

For flysch encroaching from the east, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
Devoured thy margin like a beast, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland,
The ocean floor was raised on high, its mafic head reared to the sky;
Its chromous threat was drawing nigh, Newfoundland, my Newfoundland!

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For Theresa Muir who requested Canadian / Newfie humour:
Back in the days when trains ran in Newfoundland, a passenger was travelling from Corner Brook to St. John'n when, all of a sudden, there was a tremendous thump and bang followed by a really rough ride for a few seconds. This was followed by another thump, bang and the ride became smooth again.
Just then, the conductor was passing through the car, so the passenger asked, "What happened back there?"
The conductor replied, "Oh, we just ran over a mainlander."
The passenger asked, "What, was he lying on the track?"
The conductor replied, "Oh no, he was out in the field but we got him!"

( For those of you who don't already know, Newfoundland is the easternmost
province of Canada. As Americans take pride in knocking Cleveland, we
Canadians get our kicks by poking fun at the people of Newfoundland
(probably for the same reasons). Anyway, here's my first "Newfie" joke. )
A Newfoundlander went to the doctor's office to get his annual checkup.
Half way through the examination, the doctor handed him three containers
and asked him for samples of his urine, stool, and semen. A bit
bewildered, but nonetheless congenial, the Newfie got up off the table,
removed his briefs, and handed them to the doctor.

These three men were stranded on an island: a Nefoundlander, a Cape Bretoner and a Quebecian. The three searched the island to try to find a way off when the Nefoundlander came upon a lamp with a genie. The genie poped up and said, "I will grant three wishes, so that's one for each of you." So the Newfoundlander goes, "Well I wish I was back in Newfoundland." So puff, he was sent to Newfoundland.
Then the Quebecian jumps up and says me next me next, I know exactly want I want. TheQuebecian says, "I would like to build a wall. I want this wall to be 1000 feet high and I want it to surround Quebec, so that nothing can get in and nothing can get out, and I want to be in Quebec." So the genie says okay and builds the wall, and now Quebec is officially separate from the rest of Canada and the Quebecian is back there.
So now the Cape Bretoner gets up and says, "Tell me more about this wall." So the genie tells him, "This wall is 1000 feet more...