Dey Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    On a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes Benz into a gas station in a remote part of the island.
    The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Newfoundland manner, completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
    "Mornin' bye" says the attendant.
    Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
    As he does so, two tees fall out out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
    "What are dey den, son?" asks the attendant.
    "They're called tees" replies Tiger.
    "Well, what on de good earth are dey for?" inquires the Newfie.
    "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving" says Tiger.
    "Freeckin Jaysus" says the Newfie, "Dem boys at Mercedes tink of everything".

    On a golf tour in Newfoundland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes Benz into a gas station in a remote part of the island.
    The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Newfoundland manner, completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
    “Mornin’ bye” says the attendant.
    Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
    As he does so, two tees fall out out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
    “What are dey den, son? ” asks the attendant.
    “They’re called tees” replies Tiger.
    “Well, what on de good earth are dey for? ” inquires the Newfie.
    “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving” says Tiger.
    “Freeckin Jaysus” says the Newfie, “Dem boys at Mercedes tink of everything”.

    Day 1 Dear Emile, Thanks for da bird in the Pear tree. I fixed it las
    night with dirty rice an it was delicious. I doan tink the Pear tree
    would grow in de swamp, so I swapped it for a Satsuma.
    Day 2 Dear Emile, Your letter said you sent 2 turtle dove, but all I got
    was 2 scrawny pigeon.
    Anyway, I mixed them with andouille and made some gumbo out of dem.
    Day 3 Dear Emile, Why doan you sen me some crawfish? I’m tired of
    eating dem darned bird. I gave two of those prissy French chicken to
    Mrs. Fontenot over at Grand Chenier, and fed the tird one to my dog,
    Phideaux. Mrs. Fontenot needed some sparring partners for her fighting
    rooster.
    Day 4 Dear Emile, Mon Dieux! I tole you no more of dem bird. Deez
    four, what you call “calling bird” wuz so noisy you could hear dem all
    da’ way to Lafayette. I used they necks for my crab traps, and fed the
    rest of dem to the gators.
    Day 5 Dear Emile, You finally sent more...

    The South Carolina State Police received reports of illegal cock fights being held out in the parish near Goose Creek, and duly dispatched Detective Thibideaux to investigate. Thibideaux reported to his sergeant the next morning.

    "Dey is tree main groups in dis cock fightin," Thibideaux began.

    "Good work Thibideaux! Who dey be?" the sergeant asked. Thibideaux replied confidently, "De Polacks, de Cajuns, and de Mafia."

    Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How you find dat out in one night?"

    "Well," said Thibideaux, "I went down and done seed dat cock fight,I knowed de Polacks was involved whan a duck was entered in de fight."

    The sergeant nodded. "Oh yeah, l see dat, but what' bout de others?"

    Thibideaux intoned knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved whan sumbody bet on de duck."

    "Ah," sighed the sergeant. "Dat more...

    A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following; "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."

    "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

    "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

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