Newfie Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Newfie man goes out on the town, stops in at a bar. He spots a gorgeous looking blonde and trys to pick her up.
The blonde says "sorry, I'm not that way inclined" and points to a gorgeous looking brunnette sitting across from her at the bar. The blonde goes on to tell the Newfie all the lovely sexual things she would like to do with the Brunette.
At this point the Newfie starts to cry and the blonde asks "what's wrong with you?". The Newfie responds "I think I just found out I'm a Lesbian too!"
A newfie wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor and started lessons. The instructor told the newfie to jump out of the plane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that he himself would jump out right behind him so that they would go down together. The newfie understood and was ready. The time came to have the newfie jump from the air plane. The instructor reminded him that he would be right behind him. The newfie proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the air for a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed by jumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but the parachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to get his parachute open, darted past the newfie. The newfie seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to his parachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"
Two newfies walked into a pet store. The first says "I want four budgies." Salesman-certainly sir, would you like two male and two female or all male or all female? Newfie-I dont care. I just want 4 budgies! Salesman-certainly sir, what color would you like? We have yellow, blue, gr... Newfie - I dont care what color they are, just put four budgies in a box for me. Is that too hard? Salesman - O. K. O. K. The two newfies pay for the budgies and leave. They drive out to this high cliff in Newfoundland and the first newfie reaches in the box and pulls out two of the birds, grasps them firmly and jumps off the cliff while flapping his arms. Of course he SPLATS at the bottom. The second newfie looks down at his friends twisted remains and says "What a shame. this budgie jumping isnt all its cracked up to be!"
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie (ie. a Newfoundlander). He went to a neurosurgeon and asked "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?"
"Sure, it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."
The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the surgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting out 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic.
As soon as the patient was conscious, the nurosurgeon said to him - "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."
The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie (ie. a Newfoundlander). He went to a neurosurgeon and asked "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?""Sure, it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out 1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation. However, the surgeon's knife slipped, and instead of cutting out 1/3 of the patient's brain, the surgeon accidentally cut out 2/3 of the patient's brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic.As soon as the patient was conscious, the nurosurgeon said to him - "I'm terribly sorry, but there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain."The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que vous avez dit, monsieur?"
( For those of you who don't already know, Newfoundland is the easternmost
province of Canada. As Americans take pride in knocking Cleveland, we
Canadians get our kicks by poking fun at the people of Newfoundland
(probably for the same reasons). Anyway, here's my first "Newfie" joke. )
A Newfoundlander went to the doctor's office to get his annual checkup.
Half way through the examination, the doctor handed him three containers
and asked him for samples of his urine, stool, and semen. A bit
bewildered, but nonetheless congenial, the Newfie got up off the table,
removed his briefs, and handed them to the doctor.
What is the difference between a newfie and a bucket of shit...
Answer... The Bucket