Mountain Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old mountain man in Arkansas was sick and bedridden. He had not been outdoors for a few weeks and had a sharp craving for a meal of wild squirrel. He summoned his half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to go squirrel hunting and bring him back a squirrel or two. He also told his son to be very careful not to shoot the squirrel in the head as he would need its brains later to "tan" the squirrel's pelt. (Tanning a skin using the animal's brains is a common practice in certain areas, it generally takes about one brain to tan one skin). The idiot son spent most of the day searching the woods for tree squirrels, but was not having any luck. Finally, high up in a sweet-gum tree, he spotted a squirrel's head sticking out from a hole. He remembered his Pa's admonitions to save the brains. After deciding he may not have another chance, he shot it in the head, thus ruining the brains. r His sick Pa was upset, "I can't tan that skin without no brains!" he said, more...
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side vacant.
Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.
The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.
Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint more...
Our seven-year-old daughter was thrilled when we took her to Disney World for the first time and headed straight for Space Mountain. I worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted. To her delight, we rode it twice.
The next year we returned to the Magic Kingdom, and my daughter, now eight, again dragged me to Space Mountain. As we stood in line, though, I could see her soberly studying the signs that warn about the ride's speed.
"Dad," she said, "I don't think I want to go."
I asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time.
She replied, "This year, I can read."
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road at the same time. As they pass each other, the woman leans out the window and yells, “Pig! ”The man immediately leans out his window and shouts back, “Bitch!” They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
There are three men who went to cimb a mountain. The first man fell off the mountain and wished for wings so he flew away. The second man fell off the mountain and he wished for jets and he flew away The THIRD man triped over a rock and said "Oh crap!" and he turned into... CRAP!!!
Four men were on the top of Mount Everest.One was chinese, one was spainish, one was white and one was black. The chinese guy said,"this is for my people,"and jumped off the mountain. The spainish guy said,"this is for my people," and jumped off the mountain. The black guy said this is for my people," and threw the white guy off the mountain.
A search and rescue team had been assembled and sent on a mission to find an airplane that had crashed on top of a mountain. It was their duty to rescue any survivors. After finally reaching the top of the mountain, they came upon the crash site. At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone.
As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of bones, he noticed the rescue team.' 'Thank God'', he cried out in relief.' 'I am saved!'' The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades.
The Survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame.' 'You can't judge me for this,'' he insisted.' 'I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?'' The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief.' 'I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down more...