Moshe Jokes / Recent Jokes

Are There Jews In China?
Yitzhak and Moshe were eating in a Chinese restaurant in London.
"Yitzhak," asked Moshe, "Are there any Jews in China?"
"I don`t know," Yitzhak replied. "Why don`t you ask the waiter? I`d be surprised if there were no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."
When the waiter came by, Moshe asked, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"
"I don`t know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and went back to the kitchen.
The waiter returned a few minutes later and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews."
"Are you sure?" Moshe asked.
"I ask everyone," the waiter replied. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese Jews!"

Moshe Rabbinowitz decides to join the country club near his home. He goes in and is turned down flat because he does not meet their "standards." So he enrolls in the finest schools to learn the art of being culturally rich. Moshe learns to cook the finest of foods, appreciate the best art, drive the best car, wear the classiest suits, etc. He even hires Professor Henry Higgins to educate him in the proper speech and behavior. The big day arrives. Martin James Roget arrives at the country club forhis interview. "Tea?" the interviewer asks. "Earl Grey, hot please." "Hobbies?" "Polo, racket ball, hunting." "Religion?" "Goy."

The car ride
Moshe was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift to Hendon. His own car was off the road being serviced.
"Sure," said Morry, "I`ll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside."
As they`re driving along, Moshe says, "Morry, what`s that thing on the dashboard ticking all the time?"
"That`s my digital clock."
A few minutes later, Moshe asks, "And what`s that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?"
"That`s my tachometer," says Morry.
Then a few minutes after that, Moshe starts to ask, "But what`s that...."
"Hold on a minute, Moshe," says Morry, "I can see you`ve never been in a Rolls Royce before."
"Never in the front seat." says Moshe.

There wore two jews on the Titanic. They were named Moshe and Jankele. Both of them survived. In the saving boat, Moshe cried and cried. To be friendly to him Jankele said:
'' Why are you crying? The boat wasn't yours.''

Jewish Quickies
Q: Why do Jewish men die before their wives?
A: They want to. Q: Why do Jewish divorces cost so much.
A: Because they are worth it. Q: Why don’t Jews drink?
A: It interferes with their suffering. Moshe, an old man, was hit by a car. Whilst waiting for an ambulance, a policeman tucked a blanket under Moshe`s head and asked, “Are you comfortable?”
Moshe replied, “I make a nice living.”

Moshe was at his golf club and went into the clubhouse to see whether anyone could offer him a lift to Hendon. His own car was off the road being serviced. "Sure," said Morry, "I'll give you a lift. My Rolls Royce is just outside." As they're driving along, Moshe says, "Morry, what's that thing on the dashboard ticking all the time?" "That's my digital clock." A few minutes later, Moshe asks, "And what's that thing on the dashboard moving up and down?" "That's my tachometer," says Morry. Then a few minutes after that, Moshe starts to ask, "But what's that...." "Hold on a minute, Moshe," says Morry, "I can see you've never been in a Rolls Royce before." "Never in the front seat." says Moshe.

Moshe was eating in a Chinese restaurant and was chatting to his Chinese waiter.
Moshe commented upon what a wise people the Chinese were. "Yes," replied the waiter, "we're wise because our culture is 4,000 years old. But Jewish people are also very wise, are they not?" Moshe replied, "Yes, we are. Our culture is 5,000 years old." The waiter was surprised to hear this. "That can't be true," he replied, "where did your people eat for a thousand years?"