Mildred Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.Not wanting to miss this vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be."On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over
the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just
kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took
out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in
the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become paralyzed, she called
her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart
would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "the heart would be just below the left
breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot
wound to her left knee.

Mildred: "Would you like to go the movie with me?" Maxwell: "I'm already going with Agnes." Mildred: "I'll hold your thingie if you go with me." Maxwell: "Agnes says she'll hold my thingie" Mildred: "What's Agnes got that I don't?" Maxwell: "Parkinson's."

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss this vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be." On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

Aging Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "the heart would be just below the left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

An old farmer went to town to see a movie. The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster Chucky, wherever I go, Chucky goes.""I'm sorry sir.", said the ticket agent, "We don't allow animals in the theater."The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants. He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater. He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge. The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie."Marge", whispered Mildred."What", said Marge."I think this guy next to me is a pervert.", said Mildred."What makes you think that", asked Marge."He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out", whispered Mildred."Well, don't worry about it", said Marge, "At our age we've seen them more...

Ralph takes his wife, Mildred, to the livestock show. As they walk past the pens
holding the bulls, Mildred notices a sign by the first bull stating: "This bull
mated 50 times last year."
Mildred turns to her husband and says, "You could learn from him."
They proceed to the next bull and his sign states: "This bull mated 100 times
last year."
Mildred turns to Ralph and says, "This one mated twice a week! You can learn
from this bull, also."
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times
last year."
The Mildred's mouth drops open and exclaims, "Wow! He mated every single day of
the year! You could really learn a lot from this bull."
Ralph turns to Mildred and smiles, "I doubt if he mated 365 times with the same
old cow."