Mildred Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was treated for a gunshot wound to her left kneecap.

Howard aged 92 lives in a seniors home. Everyday he uses to take a walk in the garden and whenever he is tired he used to sit on a bench and think of his past accomplishents. There came Mildred aged 82 who used to do the same thing like Howard and on that day happend to sit beside Howard on the same bench. They started a conversation which lasted for hours and finally Mildred asked Howard what he misses most in his life. Howard replied "SEX"
Mildred: "You old fart even if I a hold a gun at your
head you will never get the standup at this age"
Howard: "But Mildred it will be nice if a
woman can hold my manhood for some pleasure"
Mildred: "Suely I can oblige you" and then she unziped Howard and held his manhood gently for him to get the satisfaction he wanted. This became a habit and they both enjoyed doing it everyday as a routine.
One day to Mildred's surprise Howard was not there and she wandered about in the more...

Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss this vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a bullet wound to her left knee.

Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was already so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.

The doctor said, "Your heart would be just below your left breast."

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Aging Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made thedecision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place.Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden to someone, shecalled her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.
"On awoman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast."Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Mildred was very depressed when her husband died. She decided that she couldn’t go on in life without him and that she wanted to join him in heaven. Mildred wanted to shoot herself in the heart, guaranteeing death.
But she was afraid she might miss her heart and wind up a vegetable so she called the doctor for some information. “Doctor, where is the heart located? ” asked Mildred.
The doctor answered, “Just below the left breast. ”
A few hours later Mildred was emitted into emergancy with a gunshot wound to her knee!

Mildred was a 93 year old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband.
Not able to handle being alone, she decides to kill herself and join him in death. She starts to think about quick and easy ways, and remembers abouther husband's old Army pistol. With that thought, she decides to shoot herself in the heart, since it was so badly broken anyway.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and burden on one of her children, she decides to call her doctor's and inquire as to just exactly where the heart could be found on a woman.
Her doctor advises her that it could be found just below her left breast.
Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gun shot wound to her knee.