Mick Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A man in Ireland is driving his Morris Miner to the ferry port to go home in England. Suddenly, his car breaks down. A bloke in a Ferrari pulls up and says he has a towrope in his boot, but he warns that he is a fast driver. So if he goes too fast, just flash your lights and beep your horn. They set off and suddenly the Ferrari driver spots a Porsche. He thinks "this is no good, I must overtake that Porsche." So he speeds up, the driver of the Porsche speeds up, until they are speeding like a man-on-fire!
    The driver of the Morris miner starts flashing its lights and beeping its horn.
    Meanwhile, Paddy, Mick and Ferges are standing on their driveway. Suddenly, ZOOM! Goes the Porsche. ZOOM! Goes the Ferrari. ZOOM! Goes the Morris Miner.
    Paddy says' did you see that Porsche, it was going' at least a 100 miles an hour!'
    Mick replies' yep, that was okay, but did you see that Ferrari, that was 110 miles an hour'
    Ferges thinks, then says

    Mick & Moe

    Hot 10 months ago

    Mick and Moe were arrested for smoking dope; they appeared in court on Friday. After hearing the charges against them, the judge said, "You seem like nice young men.... and this is your first offense. I'm going to give you both a second chance. Rather than wasted time in jail, you could be of great value to our community. Go out this weekend and explain to others the evils of drug use.... try to convince them to give up drugs forever! Be back in this same courtroom on Monday at 9 o'clock sharp."
    Monday, the two reappeared before the judge. "How did you do over the weekend?" he asked of Mick. "Well, Sir, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
    "Seventeen! That's wonderful!" What did you tell them?" asked the judge. "I used a diagram, your Honor," explained Mick. "I drew two circles; I told them' the big circle is your brain before drugs; the small circle is your brain after drugs.' "
    "That's more...

    A frog goes into a

    Hot 6 years ago

    A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Hello, Patricia Whack. I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
    Patti looks at this frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
    The frog says $30,000 and the teller asks him his name, and the frog says it's Kermit Jagger, he's the adopted pet of Mick Jagger and that it's ok, he knows the bank manager.
    Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything that he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
    Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and leaves the room. She finds the manager and says, "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out more...

    World records

    Hot 1 month ago

    Three leprechauns, Sean, Mick and Kevin, are sitting in the pub getting quietly pissed when Mick shouts out, 'Jaysus, I'm bored wid bein' a feckin' nobody. I'm tinkin' I'll take meself down to de Guinness Book of Records office and get meself entered in de book.'
    'What de hell are ye talkin' about, ye eejit? You've dun nuttin' to get in de book for,' says Sean.
    'Well, it's me hands, Sean,' Mick says, waving them around. 'I tink dey are de smallest in de world and I'm gonna get meself entered into de book and I'll be world famous.'
    The other two agree that they are quite small and they all carry on drinking heartily.
    A little while later Kevin pipes up, 'Ya know Mick, if ye can get into de Guinness Book of Records for yer small hands, so can I.'
    The other two smirk at each other and Mick says, 'How can ye have de smallest hands in the world if I've got dem, ya bloody fool?'
    Kevin replies, 'It's not me hands, Mick, it's me feet,' and he takes his boots to show more...

    $90,000/month in child support; $150,000/month for the child's diction lessons.
    Restraining order keeping Keith 50 yards away from her bathroom medicine cabinet at all times.
    Cash value from his Lloyd's of London Lip Insurance policy.
    Custody of Bill Wyman's wife and the rest of the kids.
    Satisfaction, Baby!
    Has to admit publicly that Steven Tyler's lips are fatter than his.
    Jerry keeps: sports cars and palatial estate Mick keeps: walker, clapper and Matlock videos
    Financial support for her destitute brother, Arsenio.
    Jerry keeps the kids; Mick keeps Kato.
    You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get half his stuff.
    Keith must be removed from the wine cellar and given a proper burial.

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