Metzger Jokes

Great news! Kurt Metzger has begun writing a How-To book about standup comedy! It's called "How To Do Comedy!" by Kurt Metzger. It is almost entirely lifted from the shitty book by Judy Carter about standup, except I made it better!
Here is an excerpt! Enjoy!
Chapter 1
P. 1- Intro.
Do you think you are funny? Are people constantly laughing and pointing at your many handicaps? Do people wet their pants when you say things, or sometimes laugh so hard that they wet your pants? Do you dream of having your own sitcom about your hilarious times growing up as a fat Italian even though you are black? Do you have what it takes to pay me upwards of 15 American dollars for a book about standup comedy? If the answer is yes, then you, sir, may have the dedication and substance abuse problem it takes to become a working, standup comic! If you do, read on, but only if you are indeed a sir and not a ma'am, as women are not funny. (More on this topic in Chapter 3: Women are more...