Chapter Jokes

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    Liars

    Hot 6 years ago

    A minister would up the services one morning by saying, "Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark."
    On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin, and said, "Now, then, all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands."
    Nearly every hand in the congregation went up.
    Then said the preacher, "You are the people I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter of Mark."

    A minister wound up the services one morning by saying, ''Next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark''. On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin and said, ''Now, then, all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands.'' Nearly every hand in the congregation went up. Then said the preacher, ''You are the people I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter of Mark.''

    A pastor is ending up his sermon one Sunday morning when he says, "Ok, now next week I am going to preach a sermon on lying. I want you all to read Mark chapter 17."
    The next Sunday the pastor begins his sermon:
    "Ok I hope we all had a good weekend. Now, let me see. Who all read Mark chapter 17?"
    He waited a few minuets as he watched the entire congregation raise their hands.
    "Well, since Mark only has 16 chapters, let me begin my sermon on lying!"

    A preacher finished the service one morning by saying, "Next Sunday, I am going to preach on the subject of liars. As a preparation for my sermon, I would like you all to read Mark 17."
    On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin. Looking out at the congregation he said, "Last week I asked you all to read Mark 17. If you have read the chapter, please raise your hand."
    Nearly every hand in the congregation went up. Smiling, the preacher said, "You are the very people I want to talk to. Mark has only 16 chapters."

    The Perverse Guide to Getting Hired
    by Alan Meiss, ameiss@gn.ecn.purdue.edu
    Chapter 1 - The Resume
    Your resume is a crucial document that summarizes the
    essence of your being to a potential employer. You must grab
    a personnel director's attention with your sheer, overpowering
    wonderfulness, or your vitae will wind up lining the bottom of
    her parakeet's cage. Write a boring resume and you might as well
    run down now and join the other unemployed grads behind the
    appliance store, fighting for the choicest refigerator carton to
    live in.
    To grab an employer's jaded eye you must create the written
    equivalent of a banshee wail! Print your resume on hunter's
    orange paper, so it nearly leaps out of the stack. Experiment
    with striking fonts, and use as many as possible. Writing your
    name in 2 inch high 3-D Western style letters at the top says
    "Check ME out! I'm no shrinking violet!" Sprinkle a bit of your
    most more...

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