Memo Jokes / Recent Jokes

>>This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to
>>all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author
>>of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor.
>>
>>Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit).
>>Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform
>>erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate
>>nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be
>>attempted by properly trained personnel.
>>
>>Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining
>>the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder
>>than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon
>>the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using
>>the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off
>>method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. more...

/*
TOP SECRET Microsoft(c) Code
Project: Chicago(tm)
Projected release-date: Spring 1996
*/
#include "stdio.h"
#include "dos.h"
#include "conio.h"
#include "win31.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
/*
Reference:
Internal memo: #99281-95
from: William H. Gates III
to: Executive managers Chicago(tm)-project
William H. Gates III wrote:
"I have serious doubts about the 'EASY'
installation-definition.
It might prevent customers to think that they actually
bought something _good_. Therefore I want the
installation-definition to be 'HARD'.
Carry on,
Bill
"
*/
#define INSTALL = HARD
void main()
{
while(! CRASHED)
{ display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if(first_time_installation)
{ more...

Activate:
To make carbons and add more names to the memo.
Advanced Design:
Beyond the comprehension of the ad agency's copywriters.
All New:
Parts not interchangeable with existing models.
Approved:
Needs revising
Automatic:
That which you cannot repair yourself.
Channels:
The trails left by interoffice memos.
Clarify:
To fill in the background with so many details that the foreground goes underground.
Conference:
A place where conversation is substituted for the loneliness of thought and the dreariness of labor.
Confidential Memo:
No time to photocopy for the whole office.
Consultant:
Someone who borrows your watch to tell you what time it is and then walks away with the watch.
Forwarded For Your Consideration:
You hold the bag for a while.
FYI:
Found yesterday, interested?
In Conference:
Nobody can find him/her.
Let's Get Together On This:
I'm more...

The Major League Baseball Players Association has sent a memo to all of its members about drug testing during the 2003 season. And by "memo," we mean "suicide note." The players are expected to read the note very carefully, as soon as they're done taking more steroids.

Casual Fridays:

Week 1 - Memo No. 1
Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3 - Memo No. 2
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Week 6 - Memo No. 3
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday`s wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

Week 8 - Memo No. 4
A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p. m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9 - Memo No. 5
As an outgrowth of Friday`s seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14 - Memo No. 6
The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress more...

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor.
"Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the more...

Week 1 - Memo No. 1

Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3 - Memo No. 2

Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Week 6 - Memo No. 3

Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday`s wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

Week 8 - Memo No. 4

A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p. m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9 - Memo No. 5

As an outgrowth of Friday`s seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14 - Memo No. 6

The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled more...