Marine Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is a Navy guy and a Marine in the washroom. The Marine goes to leave without washing up. The sailor catches up with him later and says, "In the Navy, they teach us to wash our hands."
The Marine replies, "In the Marines, they teach us not to pee on ours!!!"

Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.The first Marine said "those are deer tracks."The second Marine said "No, those are elk tracks."The third Marine said "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.

An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices. After failing to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, he ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes, man, I'll go and kill my own!" The shopkeeper replied, "By all means. Just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same. "So the Ranger went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. "They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow him, the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw nthe gator onto its back, whereupon one exclaimed more...

It was a fact that LBJ would, on occasion, personally call military offices and demand special favors. At one such time, he is said to have called TBS (The Basic School) at Marine Corps Base, Quantico, VA and the conversation went like this (jsut remember, you're reading this on the Internet...):

TBS: Good afternoon, this is The Basic School. How can I help you?

LBJ: This is President Johnson. We're having a state dinner here at the White House next Saturday. I want you to send out two lieutenants to be escorts for my daughters.

TBS: Yes sir, Mr. President. Is that all?

LBJ: I want them in their dress uniforms, tall and good looking.

TBS: Yes sir, Mr. President. Two tall, good looking lieutenants, dress uniforms, next Saturday evening. Is there anything else?

LBJ: (Remember, LBJ was an old time democrat and Texan). Yeah, don't send any damn' Mexicans!

TBS: No sir, Mr.President, no damn Mexicans. Will there be more...

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect
salute, and snapped out, "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied, "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"The Private didn't agree, but then the private was just a private, and responded, "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again, and said, "Sir, Yes Sir!"The General more...

The other day President Clinton was walking around the White
House all morning with a pair of ladies panties on his arm.
Everyone was looking at him and wondering what he was doing
now but no one had the courage to say anything.
At 1200 hours the President's Marine Aide de Camp relieved his
Air Force counterpart who whispered what he'd seen in the Marine Major's ear.
Being a confident and tactfully articulate Officer and a
Gentleman, the Marine Major purposefully strode into the Oval
Office, positioned himself centered and 3 paces in front of the
President's desk and politely inquired what he was doing with
the pair of ladies panties on his arm.
President Clinton replied: "It's the patch, I'm trying to quit."

There is a army ranger in Japan and he is wearing a T shirt saying " Marines suck! " Sure enough two marines come up behind him and ask " Hey, whats with the shirt? " The ranger says " And Marines cant read aswell " The marines say " What?! I dont think I heard you correctly " The ranger says " And they cant hear aswell " The marines buddy ( Another marine ) Asks the ranger to come outside.

So the ranger goes with them. About five miniutes later, the ranger walks back in the bar and orders a beer. The bar keep asks: " Hey, what happend out there? Where are the marines? " The ranger replies " Well, the are stupid too, they decided to bring knives to a gun fight "