Mabel Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mum sends Dave off to the market to buy a few things and Mabel tags along as usual. After investing in a new bucket, a straw broom, a couple of live chickens and a poddy calf, Dave is struggling home, with the calf baulking and the chickens flapping and the bucket clanking - all in different directions.

As they pass through a bit of bush Mabel says, "Aw gee, Dave, I'm scared!"

Dave yanks the calf and recovers a chicken and says, "Yeah! What of, Mabel?"

"Aw gee, you might take advantage of me in this lonely bush!" says Mabel.

"Come off it, Mabel," says Dave, grabbing the bucket. "Look how busy I am with this lot!"

Quick as a flash, Mabel says, "But couldn't you put the chickens down on the ground with the bucket on top of them, and push the broom into the ground and tie the calf to it?"

80 yr. old man is in a nursing home and it's time for his bath.
His attractive nurse's aid unrobes him and begins to wash him.
In a moment he asks that Mabel come in and hold his penis out of
the way so that the nurse's asst can wash underneath.' why?', asks
the aid' i am perfectly capable of doing that and washing you
with my other hand.'' no, I'd much rather have Mabel do that for you',
he insists. with a hint of jealousy in her voice the aid asks' well what has
Mabel got that i haven't got?'
parkinson's disease!', the gentleman says.

YOUNG Dave was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west
in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Dave's porch
watching the sun go down over the hills, Dave spied his prize bull
doing the business on one of his cows. He sighed in contentment at
this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to
put the hard word on Mabel.
He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "Mabel, I'd sure like to
be doing what that bull is doing."
"Well then, why don't you? "Mabel whispered back. "It is YOUR cow."

Young Dave was courting Mabel, who lived on an adjoining farm out west in cattle country. One evening, as they were sitting on Dave's porch watching the sun go down over the hills, Dave noticed his prize bull doing the business on one of his cows. He sighed in contentment at this idyllic rural scene and figured the omens were right for him to put the hard word on Mabel.
He leaned in close and whispered in her ear, "Mabel, I'd sure like to be doing what that bull is doing."
"Well then, why don't you? "Mabel whispered back. "It is YOUR cow.

Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered, "I have a suppository?" She pulled it out &stared at it.
Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."

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Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.
“I think so, too, ” said Mabel. “Let’s go! ”
They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.
They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.
“I guess we can go home now, Mabel, ” she said. “This is where we came in. ”

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Mabel.
Mabel who?
Mabel doesn't ring either...