Listing Jokes

"Information. Can I help you?" "I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please." "One moment, please." Pause. "I'm sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild." "No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's TheaterGuild." "I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild." "Not *Theodore*! *Theater*! The word is *theater*. T-H-E-A-T-E-R!""That, *sir*, is NOT the way you spell Theodore."

Information. Can I help you?"I'd like the number of the Theater Guild, please."One moment, please. Pause. "I'm sorry sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.""No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's TheaterGuild.""I told you, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild.""Not *Theodore*! *Theater*! The word is *theater*. T-H-E-A-T-E-R!""That, *sir*, is NOT the way you spell Theodore."

Transported into a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete stangers to kill again.

--- TV listing for the Wizard of Oz in the Marin Paper

The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:
Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.
Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.
Overcharging fees to many clients.
Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.
And the list goes on for quite awhile.
The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life also." St. Peter looks in his book and says,"Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?" The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes." St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell."