Journey Jokes / Recent Jokes

Harry Goldberg has been elected the next president of the United States-the first Jewish boy to reach the Whitehouse.
He is very proud and phones his mother in New York to invite her to the inauguration. Harry: Momma, guess what! I've just been elected president, won't you come to my inauguration?
Mother: Harry! You know I hate trains. I can't face the journey all the way to Washington. Maybe next time.
Harry: Momma! You will take no train. Air Force One will collect you. The journey will be over in 30 minutes. Come to my inauguration, please.
Mother: Harry, I hate hotels. The non-kosher food! Nahh, maybe next time.
Harry: Momma! You will stay in the White House, a kosher chef to yourself. PLEASE come.
Mother: Harry! I have nothing to wear!
Harry: I have someone on his way to take you to Macy's and Bloomingdale's to make you look perfect. You must come!!!
Mother: Okay, okay, I suppose I will come.
Inaugaration day comes. Mother is on the front row, more...

The journey of a thousand miles...
begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

John was on his way to work. He got on his bus and sat down. After a while there is a small bump.
John; "What was that?"
Driver; "It was a cat"
John; "Why did you run it over?"
Driver; "Well it was either that or swerve into the tree at the side of the road and kill us all!"
John; "Oh, fair enough"
A little farthur down the road the bus swerves suddenly and a bigger bump shakes the bus.
John; "What was that!!?"
Driver; "It was a dog"
John; "Why did you run it over?"
Driver "I couldn't help it, I tried to swerve but I hit it by accident"
John; "That's awful but I suppose you did try to swerve"
The bus continued on its journey but later on it swerved again and there was a small bump followed by a large thud.
John; "What is it this time?"
Driver; "I hit an old lady"
John; "Oh my god. Is she more...

The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"

Women:
Car Parking:
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman, was one of 19.36m equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Caroline Wizz (GB) driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova Swing on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11:15am in Ropergate, Pontefract and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement, 8 hours 14mins later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and the two adjoining cars, as well as shop frontage and two lampposts.
Incorrect Driving:
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on, was one of 313 miles from Stranraer to Hollyhead, by Dr. Julie Thorn, at the wheel of a Saab 900 on 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird, but pressed on to Hollyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed with the choke fully out and the right indicator flashing.
Video more...

The proud mother
Harry Goldberg has been elected the next president of the United States--the first Jewish boy to reach the Whitehouse. He is very proud and phones his mother in New York to invite her to the inauguration.
Harry: Momma, guess what! I`ve just been elected president, won`t you come to my inauguration?
Mother: Harry! You know I hate trains. I can`t face the journey all the way to Washington. Maybe next time.
Harry: Momma! You will take no train. Air Force One will collect you. The journey will be over in 30 minutes. Come to my inauguration, please...
Mother: Harry, I hate hotels. The non-kosher food! Nahh, maybe next time.
Harry: Momma!! You will stay in the White House, a kosher chef to yourself. PLEASE come.
Mother: Harry! I have nothing to wear!
Harry: I have someone on his way to take you to Macy`s and Bloomingdale`s to make you look perfect. You must come!!!
Mother: Okay, okay, I suppose I will come.
Inauguration day more...

Buried in the Dead Sea Scrolls are some accounts of the Apostles during the Ministry of Jesus. There is, for instance, the story of Judas Iscariot, the disciple who later betrayed Jesus, which betrayal led to His Crucifixion.
It is written there that one day, before undertaking a journey across the desert of Samaria, Jesus summoned His Apostles and asked each of them to bring a stone. Informed before hand of their destination, Judas picked up a small stone so as not to tax him with weight for the journey. As the day wore on and the sun beat upon their heads, Judas smiled, for among all of them, he carried the smallest stone and therefore the least burden.
As darkness fell, Jesus told His disciples to pitch tent and to rest for the evening. He gathered them together and asked them to bring forth their stones. Wherefore, He blessed the stones and turned them into bread to overcome their hunger. Judas, of course, had the smallest bread!
On the occassion, while strolling on more...